I don’t know who I am anymore?

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It’s hard for me to explain but I think you can describe it as an existential crisis. It seems like a really small thing to worry about but I feel like I’m losing my sense of individuality.
Before, I used to be, well, the way I am fine being. I was just me, doing well in school, loving to learn and read and play games and all of that. But now I feel like I’m being more narcissistic than usual and there are times where I feel slight twinges of envy when I never would’ve. And I get angry at things that I usually wouldn’t. I really really hate these feelings I’m getting right now. The me back then wouldn’t ever feel like this.
The thing is I someitmes know what other people would say in response to what I say. I mean like, if I say nice things to someone I know they most likely would thank me and feel good about themselves but because I know this it feels like manipulation. I’m not manipulating people, but by having a sense of how they might respond already I feel like I am and I don’t like it. It’s the same with blahtherapy…I know this is where people come to help others and I know there will be people to comfort me and I wonder if I’m selfish like I know people will comfort me and say good things about me and I wonder if I’m doing it just to confirm that I’m good or something. And also I never liked the idea of doing good things just for rewards like cash or whatever, do good deeds because it is a reward in itself, it benefits everyone else and basically it itself is good. But now I am doubting myself because I wonder if I do good deeds because I want to look good to other people or if I really do them for the sake of it…I know that in my mind I do it because good deeds are in itself good but now I just don’t know if I’m lying to myself or what.
and about the narcissitic problem I wonder if it’s due to being on tumblr a lot but like I sometimes experience sense of satisfaction when I’m superior to everyone or very rarely but it does happen that I get a slight need for center of attention, not physically. It really sucks because I never liked being in the center of attention and I actually don’t like the feeling of being superior to others (I mean I know I am smart but i feel sad about others not at the same level as me either). I’m sorry if this was really confusing…I just don’t know whether I’m this or that and I just don’t know who I am anymore I just want to be who I was before

asked August 4, 2015

3 Answers

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Maybe that's it, you are having an existential crisis. I also have had those questions and doubts about myself, and sometimes I still do. If you say nice things to someone, and if you are not expexting nothing from them unless them feeling good abouth themselves, then there is nothing wrong about it. That is just the way it works, you are not manipulating them. About the part of doing good things, and you not knowing whether you do that for the sake of it or because you want to do that to look good to other people, I feel that that is something only you know. If you do some self-examination, maybe you will find an answer. Moreover, I believe that if you have these questions, this means that you have a good heart, because otherwise you'd feel good about doing things for the great consequences it could have for yourself. In a world where we have to worry about what other people think of us, and where we actually need to "brag" about the good things we've done, for example, in our resumé, I think it is normal to have some doubts. However, you are who you are, you are who you were before, maybe you are just more mature and you are having some doubts about life and yourself. Just to wrap up, I am going to tell you something that my mother once told me and I will never forget. This may help you understand your situation. "If you feel bad about something, then that is because that does not represent who you are".
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Ill be honest with you, but I got confused myself :P Not to worry! I've gone through a similar situation myself, and the best advice I could give you is... "A man at fifty who sees things the way he saw at thirty wasted twenty years of his life" - Muhammad Ali. It's a normal thing everyone has to go though to lose oneself. But if you just try and try to go back to the person you used to be, you'll never see things differently or achieve new things. Don't be sad! Move on from your past self and come out as a new version of you, though don't take this too literally to the point where you would start hurting others or misbehave. You haven't lost yourself because life isn't about losing yourself, but about building your person, so build yourself to be a great person! As for your "narcissistic problem," you're just going through that age where you're starting to feel self conscious or insecure about your image in society. I've gone through the same thing, but once you get out of that stage, you soon realize that none of actually matters. I'm not saying that its wrong, its perfectly fine, just don't go to the extent where you start feeling super insecure about your image, just be the best version of who you are now and focus on building yourself. Best of luck! ~
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From what I've gathered,you mentioned everything about how you are feeling but you never once mentioned the things that has been actually causing you to feel this way.Either you have tons of things scattered in your head right now that you probably had ignored for days and just because you tried to ignore everything rather than sorting it out..it is making you frustrated about everything.Or you might haves some big problem that you are running from. My advice would be take a pen and write all the things that has been worrying you one by one so that you can plow them down one by one.Its not gonna be easy but if you need anyone's help,You could always pm me.