i dont know what to do anymore i used to be such a social person and talk to so many people all i do is make excuses to not go out with my friends anymore all i do is sit in my dark room and listen to music and sleep and get high and be depressed…. fuck. but i just dont know whats wrong with me.. does anyone else ever get this.. ?
As Nikola Tesla once said; "Anti-social behavior is a trait of intelligence in a world full of communists." Don't beat yourself up about it. People naturally need solitary time every now and then for various reasons. But if you beat yourself up over it and think about how you were in the past, then you will be depressed. The past is the past for a reason. Who do you want to be in the future? What will you do, create, become? And when you figure that out, what's stopping you from doing just that? There is nothing wrong with 'alone time'. When you feel like doing something, and it feels good to do it, then just do it and don't beat yourself up over going with your inner feelings. The mind does this because it wants to be in control, and when you step out of its control it lashes out in abusive behavior in an attempt to maintain conformity. Remember, you are not your mind. You are the one using it. Don't let the tool tell you what to do, it is not you. You are the one who created it. If it is acting in a way that is not to your desire, you have the power to change it. Recognize this, and remember it.
This is how I get quite often, minus the getting high part, I usually just drink alcohol if my mood is that low. I don't talk to people for days, hide upstairs in my bedroom and just feel like the scum of the earth. I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and depression a few years back and it what your describing seems the same, try seeing a doctor or a therapist whenever you can.