I have held this in for so long. I’ve been so well with my boyfriend but because I haven’t been writing in my journal as much as I used to I guess it sort of built up. This girl made me feel super anxious with her presence and the way my boyfriend would approach her, defend her, and talk about her when she’d come up. I feel like I’m always in the wrong to feel what I feel.
I told him I felt uncomfortable with the way it was with her, the things she’d comment on his stuff and what he’d comment on her photos. At first I was like, okay, I’m overreacting. But it came to the point that the next thing he said on her stuff, and it appeared on my feed, I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him how I felt about it, we came to an understanding and I asked him to remove her off his friend’s list for my sake. That was selfish, but I didn’t tell him to stop being friends with her. I just didn’t want to keep seeing that stuff; yes I could block her but I’m so paranoid in case she’d do something more. :/
I don’t want to keep feeling this way all the time. I hate having to put him in the middle of my feelings towards a girl, but I also hate the fact that tonight, he reported to her and honestly made me look like a terrible person to be his girlfriend. He showed me the conversation he had with her and I just… I can’t stand it. I don’t know what to do. I’m hurt that while we were arguing he told her that I was crying. I’m hurt with the fact that he allowed her to badmouth me and tell me about it and not defending me at all. I’m hurt that whenever I asked him genuinely, “why is she so important?” and he’d tell me that she isn’t yet even though she knows nothing about me she knows how I am.
She sent me a message confronting me of everything that she assumes I think of her which is all wrong. I want to respond to her, but I’m afraid to. I find it a little unfair that she’s allowed to feel however she wants but I can’t feel what I feel because it’s “dumb.” I’m so confused, lost and all in all hurt with the whole conversation I saw, and how my boyfriend let her insult me because I asked for one thing to feel secure. I feel like I’m not ready to say how I feel but if I hold it off this would happen again.