I do not understand

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I was with a guy for 2 years and… I found out he was “flirting” with another girl. When I confronted him, he hit me in the ribs (couldn’t cough or breath normally for one month). He said he was sorry, he talked horribly about her (telling me that she is fat and he only tried to flirt with her because of her low self-esteem). I almost bought it, but, after a month or so, I decided I needed a break, because something was very wrong. He came to me crying, telling me that he loves me, telling me to think about our future together, about the children we are going to have, but I remained firm. Afterwards, I found out that he had been involved with that girl for nearly 2 months… When I asked him what gives, he told me I am worthless, that nobody loves me and that I will die alone, because no man can stand me. I… I do not know what to think and this comes in a moment of great pressure for me (death of a grandmother, final exams at university). I do not understand…

Category: asked July 29, 2015

13 Answers

4
Hey! I was awfully hurt emotionally while reading this. This man put you through a very tough roller coaster ride. First of all, hitting in the ribs should've been the final straw. I can tell you loved him very dearly since you even let him come around after that. Many people would've stopped contact. The way this guy talked about that other girl is very disrespectful, something you don't deserve. I'm not entirely sure if this guy's head is in the right place. I say that in the most least offensive manner. I'm assuming he came crying back to you because no other girl was working at the time, sorry to say that. Once he sorted things out with the other girl and you asked about it, he returned to you with those hateful comments. For conclusion, I want you to fully ignore this man. You said your grandmother died (Rest in Peace.) and Final exams are coming through, this is the last thing you need to worry about in life. I'm sorry, I do not wanna say two years of your life went to waste with this guy. I'm sure you've had very lovely moments. Those two years will never be a waste because this shaped you into a new person. You now know what to avoid. Please stay away from him, he's just a very bad energy to your life. Any guy that tells you that you are worthless should not even be in your friends. Dont hold him close. I'm sorry for your loss. (Grandmother.) and I wish you the best of luck on those Final Exams. I know you'll do great.
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First of all, I would like to offer you my condolences for your grandmother. I personally know that losing any family member, especially a close one can put such a pressure on someone and it doesn't help that your final exams are coming right around the corner. But you don't need another stressor. You have to worry about yourself because you're the only one who will care for you the most at the end, and clearly this "gentlemen" can never come close to actual caring for you or anyone at this time. This man, no matter how well he presents himself to you (which is poorly from what you have told me) has low self esteem. He does and he's manipulating you. It might sound unconvincing that he is because you were together for those two years and I hope those years were at least enjoyable for you as it was for him yet something has happened that is not your fault (at all) and he's the only one to be held accountable to that, even though he might guilt you into believing that it was a mistake and or I did it "for you". Just because he can't take care himself and have confidence, doesn't mean he needs to find it in another woman. You should've left him as soon as you hit you in the stomach, no gentlemen should result to violence, especially to someone close to them as you were to him. Yet you were confused and a little upset of his actions, yet when he came back to you you gave him the feeling that his actions were justified and were to be forgiven. This will start to reoccur over and over (like it did when he was with her for 2 months) until he ruins you and leaves you for good or you say "No". It's sometimes hard to move on yet it's more hard to keep that same relationship when he isn't loyal or confident in himself. He'll sacrifice your happiness (and her's) for his benefits and that's why he's manipulating you. You gotta be the stronger person in this relationship and say what's on your mind to him. Whether in person or by text. It's not your fault at all what may of happened to him and you can't change him, people simply never change, so don't allow him to trick you into feeling "Obligated" to help him. Caution: If you do it in person, bring a close friend. He might be frustrated and attack you, but you can also do it in a public place aswell. I know it will be hard to move on yet, we at Blah therapy are here to support you. If you need to talk about anything, send me a message and I'll reply to it as quick as I can. Thank you for reading this and I hope you do well in your exams!
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I ain't nearly as articulate as most of the gus on here, but, still. Yo, fuck that guy. He was just being a straight up cunt all round. You don't need that shit in your life, man
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My feelings go to you for your grandmother, miss, cut him off, and keep your distance, it's critical you do not involve him in your life, even if legal action is required (Disclaimer: I am no lawyer, this is merely an opinion, and thus, must be treated like one), look for someone loyal, faithful, warm, and if possible, disciplined, nothing speaks better of a man than the ability to stay within rules, look for someone with principles, one tip, meet their family, you can find out what principles a person has by looking at their family members.
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Thank you for sharing this latest piece of information, but it still doesn't change our perspective on you nor does it mean we will go back on our kinds words. I sense your frustration came from him "boasting" infront of you, telling you he regretted nothing. An example that would compare would be that my friend once had a dog who pooped in her bed, and the dog walked around and smiled like it was nothing. My friend, frustrated (like you) she slapped the dog and showed him the messed he made. The dog bit her. Later, The dog felt bad after a while, but because he had no one to play with. So he stopped pooping the bed. But even though he didn't poop in her bed again, he went and destroyed something else that made her even more frustrated at the dog. I thought you would like to hear this as it shows you that he can "pretend" later that what he's doing was "wrong" and a mistake because that's what you wanna hear (as you almost bought it), yet he'll do something else (like he did) that'll upset you more. I'm saying the slap was an indicator that he really hurt you emotionally, but his response to plant one in your fists was an uncalled response. You cannot justify one's expression of provoked frustration (which was you at the time) by someone who just straight up was ignorant and more aggressive to their reaction instead of taking the hint that he hurt you. His thinking was to come back to you because he had really no one else. You're not someone's second choice. Stand up for your actions and say that you were in the right.
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Slapping him was not the best way to handle that situation, and him hitting you back was also immature of him as well. I understand that you were in an angered state of mind. When you start getting into that angered state, before you do anything, breathe deeply. Don't give into the passion of being a beast for that moment because it is never worth it in the long run. I too recommend as many people said previously to break ties with him and to learn from this experience so you can help yourself and others in the future. Best of luck!
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Thank you all for your kind words. I feel like I do not deserve them. However, I forgot to mention one thing (this might change your whole perspective on the matter). When I confronted him first about this girl (when he hit me), he was standing there so proud and full of himself, smiling at me and telling me he regrets nothing, that I snapped and I slapped him. I am a non-violent person, I've suffered from violence and I hate it, but that was too much for me to bear. I think this was his way of self-defense, that is why I was able to forgive him for planting his fist in my ribs.
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@your latest reply Yes, you may have slapped him, but that doesn't make it acceptable for him to retaliate. The two of you breaking up is a great thing, even if it might not feel like that at times. You can actually find someone that will treat you with respect and love you properly, someone that will care for you through thick and thin and someone that won't ever hurt you.You are not worthless, you are a beautiful and wonderful person, please try your best to never forget this.Sending you strength.
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Thank you so very much! I recently found out that he is not only talking s**t about me, but about my friends as well. A couple of weeks ago, while he was at home, his new girlfriend went out and got drunk and started flirting with other guys. She was in the same pub I was with a couple of friends. When I saw her, I finished my beer and went straight home, as to avoid any confrontation. One of my friends (which happens to be friend with my ex too), saw the lady flirting with other guys and texted my ex, to tell him. The finale? My ex ended up accusing me of putting drugs in the girls' drink and calling my friend (who only meant good) a liar and an a-hole. Moreover, although he is not personally contacting me (for which I am grateful), yesterday one of his colleagues wrote to me, telling me that he had spoken to my ex about my arrival and I was puzzled and confused. I told him that I think he is talking about the new girl, and he told me "Oh, yes, indeed. I thought it was you, sorry.", which is a plain lie, since he most probably knew my ex has another girlfriend right now. I don't know what he wants from me, since he has already moved on.
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I got annoyed after reading this. how can a man hurt a girl physically? my God! he's a good for nothing man based on what he is showing. you are studying right? better focus on that first and the baby you are having.
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I got annoyed after reading this. how can a man hurt a girl physically? my God! he's a good for nothing man based on what he is showing. you are studying right? better focus on that first and the baby you are having.
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@trustme: Oh, no, I am not pregnant (thank God). He was talking about "our future together" (although, before that, he always used to tell me how he will push me down a flight of stairs if I remained pregnant - I always took it as a joke).
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That's not really something you joke about, I think he's a horrible person and I'm really sorry you had to put up with him. I'm glad you've split up, it's honestly the best thing for you.

I promise you will find someone that cares for you and wants to make you legitimately happy.

Sending strength.
Michael