I can’t take it anymore. My mom has always been making me feel terrible about myself
When I was younger I was usually sick and she always shouts at me when I cough. In grade school she slapped me when I asked her to help me with my math homework. In my birthday she threw a fit on me and spoke bad words at me and I ended up crying myself to sleep. Her harsh words always make me feel useless and worthless. I’ve always tried to do my best to not cause any trouble but I’m always blamed as if everything is my fault.Even if I achieve something , she still tells me that I haven’t proven anything. It’s like I shouldn’t even exist. I have been trying my best to stay strong but I’m slowly giving up. I even started having thoughts of just ending it all. Somewhere in my life, I started not seeing her as my mom anymore. Sure she provides the things that I need but the part of a mom that not even money can buy? I never felt it from her.
Aw im really sorry you have been going through this! it's horrible and every child should have supportive parents. This isn't right she shouldn't hit you for asking for help she should want to help you and encourage you to do your work which that isn't going to do. If you haven't already you need to try and talk to her and tell her how much she is hurting you and depending on how old you are I would move away from it. I know that sounds horrible but it might make her realise shes pushed you away. Its clearly getting to you a lot and you should be happy, everyone deserves to be happy!
Where is your dad? I'm sure all the anger she has towards you should be directed towards him. Even if babies are unplanned mom's fall inlove with them way before they learn to walk, and here you are you can even write. There was something terribly wrong in the relationship she had with your dad. If not your birth could have prevented your mom from achieving a life time event or goal rather (like going to collage) but I'm sure you have a better idea I'm just telling you my experiences. Anyway the best thing to do is write your mom a letter tell her how you feel, and list all the events and all the negative things she has said to you. Tell it to her exactly like you have told us, that you are even having suicidal thoughts and that there was a point where you were convinced she wasn't your mom and why. Write the letter it's going to make her think about her mistakes and what a terrible mom she's been, she'll probably change. Don't try talking to her you will cry and not tell her everything like you should!!! Thats what I did with my mom, she hated me because she and my dad broke up, she resented me!
Mugglerock, I have the same issue with my mum. To be she is my mother and nothing more. You shouldn't feel worthless or useless because you can amount to so much more. Don't end your life when you have so much to look forward for. You'll make is out okay