I can’t love.

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well.. this is hard to explain.. mainly because i have no idea why.. but i cant love?

I have been in multiple relationships trying to figure out what it is that makes me what to run away and hide when i have feelings for someone. Its not nerves because i crave love with every fiber of my being. i dont know why but when i am with my significant other or near a person that i like i cant be around them.. if my (boyfriend) tries to hold my hand or hug or kiss me i feel like im being rushed into sex or what ever. i just feel attacked and uncomfortable and in some ways disgusted and terrified.. this has lead to many failed relationships.. the only conclusion i cant think of is social anxiety but i fear that there is more.. i need help. :(

Category: Tags: asked February 22, 2015

3 Answers

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If you're uncomfortable with certain things, set boundaries. It's okay to not be comfortable with certain things. In a relationship, you need time to build trust. Once you do feel comfortable with someone, certain things might become a bit easier. If you're with someone who loves you, they'll respect your boundaries. If they don't respect your boundaries, then they don't deserve you either. Not everyone likes touching, some people need distance. Did something happen in your past that's holding you back? This might be the cause. It could also be social anxiety. If you're really worried about this, it might benefit you to reach out for professional help to get an accurate answer to your question. You can also talk this through with your doctor and see what your doctor has to say. It's okay to crave love, but love isn't always about what's done by physical touch. Love is also how people touch us emotionally. Someone has to touch your heart to make you feel loved. It can be done with words or by simple actions that don't involve someone touching you.
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Sometimes I think the same thing about myself because everything that you've said, I've often found myself saying.. What I have found that seems to help me some is to tell your significant other that you are not for any reason ready for sex with them. I deem it disrespectful so early into a relationship.. So, that's what I tell them. There are certain things that certain individuals expect from each other and it's not against the law to tell them that. Sweetie, you can love.. You're just a shy being.. And that is not for any reason a bad thing.. it's just a quirk. We all have them and we all deal with our own. Try to let whomever you're trying to love how you feel about certain situations. Maybe that will help clear the air. XOXO -RememberingAshleyForever
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Don't think of it as you not being able to love at all. It's just that you're not able to love those people. I've been with several guys. All critically failed. Some I've been in an actual relationship with; others, I considered dating, but something held me back. I thought I had some major anxiety. Just the thought of holding hands gave me the heebie-jeebies. Even the word "cuddling" gave me goosebumps. I'm a firm believer in first instincts. If your initial reaction to your significant other trying to hold your hand is "get away from me", that's a big sign that you shouldn't be with them. Despite there being nothing wrong (in a general sense) with the guys I've dealt with, I couldn't be with them because I simply wasn't comfortable with them. You should try to find someone who you can open up to (as obvious as that piece of advice is). You clearly haven't met the right person yet. I sure as hell haven't either. And it might take several more people. But don't think of yourself as being unable to love. You crave love, like you said.