I can’t let go of the past and I need help….can someone help?


My husband and I have been married for 5 years, but together for 14; we are 32. When he was 20 years old, a famliy friend cosigned a motorcycle for him because he wanted one. He had a job, but no credit at the time, so the man helped him get it. My husband made all his payments while he had the bike. About a year into it, he got a job and no longer had time for it. So, he was going to sell it. His sister, who LOVED the motorcycle, told him to keep it. She said she would make the payments when they came in. She had her license and was insured, so it sounded like a good idea. She rode the bike like it was hers, and when the statements came in (they were like a credit card type statement) she just paid them.
A few months later, his sister told him that the friend of the family who cosigned, Bob, offered to pay off the bike and did. My husband didn’t say much because, even though everything was technically still in his name, his sister was the one who rode it, made the payments, etc.; kind of like if a parent gave their car to a kid I guess.
Now, years later, the man made a comment to my husband and said “am I ever going to get my money back”. My husband said “talk to my sister” and the man left it at that. We haven’t talked or heard from him since. He defriended us on social media, but is still friendly if we see him around town.
As messed up as this situation is, it gets even more complicated. I believe that Bob has some type of disability. He lives with his mother, who is older, and always has. (He is in his 50s now.) My husband says he thinks it it because his mom’s health isn’t too good and he watches out for her. I believe he bought his house in how own name. He does hold a job, as he has worked for our city water department for 19 years. He drives his own vehicle, and I believe he used to plow in the winter, too.
I think the man has a problem because of the way he presents. He is slow to speak and seems to make poor decisions (like the motorcycle).
After learning of this situation, I feel like maybe my husband took advantage of a mentally disabled person! :( I don’t think my husband would INTENTIONALLY do that, but it seems like maybe that happened.
I talked to my husband about it, and he said he feels he doesn’t owe the guy anything. He says it was not his idea, and he didn’t even know it happened until after. He also says that he thinks the man is fully capable of making his own decisions when it comes to money, etc.
My husband is a nice, caring man. But, I keep thinking maybe he made a HUGE mistake when he was younger and now we need to fix it! :( (My husband did say if he sees the man again he will find out if Bob thinks my husband owes him something or not….)
Also, I do have OCD and anxiety. I can’t tell if I am obsessing over nothing, or if this is a horrible situation.
Thank you for reading and helping.

Category: asked September 7, 2015

3 Answers

Your husband didn't do anything wrong at all. If I was in that situation, I would've handled it that way too. A lot of people would have. See if the situation will run it's course on it's own and if not, maybe you should approach the man kindly and see if you can get a better outcome. Good luck.
Next time you see the man, maybe mention the money and ask if he's still owed. And if he is, then you can have a gentle word with your husband about it and see if you can pay him back (maybe a small sum at a time, kinda thing?) but don't stress out over it, you can sort it out easily enough and I'm sure there'll be no hard feelings in the end :)
Thanks guys....i dont want to get in the middle, it's just crushing my view of my husband. I know it was HIS motorcycle, but....he let the sister have it under the understanding she took care of it and paid. Basically it was like he sold ot to her, but not all the money at once. A year or so later, when she sold the bike, she took the profit.... not my husband. He signed it over, but they acted as though it was hers. He didn't know the guy even paid for it until after it was paid for. I believe it was some understanding between the guy and the sister.