I'm afraid of having to look my relatives in the face and tell them that I am not the person they had always believed I could be; that despite the continuous love and support they have shown me, I can neither live up to their expectations for me, nor my own expectations for myself.
I'm afraid of myself. I fear that I'm not as good of a person as I expect I am. I'm scared that when I try to talk to people they would go out of their way just to get away from me, and that I'd annoy them a lot. I'm afraid of being alone, of being forgotten, that when I die people would be indifferent about my death. I fear that people wished they'd never met me. I'm afraid of being left alone.
You might find this funny, but I had a dream, I consider it a nightmare but anyway, I was in a dark room, standing in front of a mirror with a heavily embroidered frame, and I noticed that the embroidery was people with masks on. In the mirror there was no reflection of myself just pitch black darkness. Then a moment later as I took one long hard into it, a person emerged, it was me but his face had scars and he looked like he had just been beaten badly, so beaten that I barely recognized that it was me. He looked at me and shook his head in disappointment, turned around (facing his back towards me) and walking away into the darkness, and these words were spoken into my head as if he were right next to me saying it..."We are so accustomed to disguising ourselves to others, that in the end we become disguised to ourselves" And when he finished saying those words (which are now burned and branded into my mind) The mirror cracked and shattered into pieces, and each reflection in each piece showed me who I became around different kinds of people, friends, girlfriend, family, work, etc. And I whispered, "where am I?" and at that exact moment, the real me grabbed me. And I woke up, sweating. I guess I'm afraid of forgetting who I really am.
Honestly, I react to situations where there is a chance I will be hurt the same way any other human would but an actual fear of one thing in particular, like a phobia is a little hard to pin down.
The only true fear that I have is a little strange and I'm not sure why I have it but I've always been terrified of being shot at. Or falling without anything to hold onto. I'm not sure though.... I'm not scared of the normal things.
I am afraid of my parents finding out about me, and how scared and sad I am all the time. I'm afraid that if anything ever happened to me, they'd be destroyed. But I'm also scared that they wouldn't care and would just move on easily. I'm not sure which one I'm more afraid of
Im afraid of losing the people I love. Not necessarily losing them to death but having them lose their love for me because they realize I'm not worth it. I'm also afraid of having my deepest darkest secrets come out because they show who I truly am and I don't like that person
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