I am obsessed with my boyfriend and I don’t want to be. How do I get un-obsessed without breaking up
I am seriously obsessed with my boyfriend. I don’t think it’s healthy and I want to fix it. It’s really embarassing. I spend hours and hours a day thinking about him and tracking his internet activity and googling his name and looking up things like “is it true love” and signs he’s into you”. I make sure I have my cell phone on me at all hours of the day and night. I check my e mail constantly in case he sent me something. Whats wrong with me? i even stalk her exes most of the time. I don’t have active social life and i have a few friends. I freak out if a day goes by where I don’t hear from him but of course I play it off like I could care less when I talk to him. Is this normal? I don’t want my world to revolve around him but no matter what I’m doing or who I’m with my mind is always on him. I can’t focus in school, all I do is daydream about him and write his name over and over again and again in my notebook. Is there like some medication I can take for this? Is this a personality disorder or some kind of mental melt down? Is it love? Whats wrong with me and how can I fix it? Is this normal? Should I tell him about it? How do I treat this? It’s really taking a toll on my life.
It's love and attachment. I've had it happen to me once or twice. You try not to think about them SO bad and it just doesn't work. Whenever he texts you, you attempt to not reply right away so it doesn't look like you were waiting for him. No it isn't normal but you have to go through something to actually stop this from happening. The second time it happened to me he cheated and it's sort of hard to be THAT into someone now. I get attached but not to the point where I stalk them. I'm not saying you HAVE to go through the same thing I went through but it helped. Just withdraw yourself from your phone and the social sites you're using to do these things. It can also be you lacking confidence in yourself. I've had that problem also. But, just work on yourself while being with him. If you love yourself before you love someone else, you will have a good and healthy relationship. You can still put him before you and love him, you just have to know how to balance the 2.
Hi Chinadoll,First and most important: No this isn't normal, but it's really good you noticed a problem in your behavior and want to fix it. I think you're having some really bad anxiety or depression issues and they're manifesting themselves as an obsession with your boyfriend. Do you feel these strong anxious feelings when you're physically with them? I'm going to assume you don't. If I'm right though part of the obsession is you're using your BF as a form of self-medication to help with your anxiety/depression issues, and when they're not around you don't have your drug so to speak so the problems begin to manifest.I would recommend you talk to a doctor or therapist and possibly getting a more accurate diagnosis, and from there you can start to address some of these problems more effectively.
If you have been together for less than a month the it is normal darling, not usual, but normal. It gets better after a month of being together and disappears within 3 months. If this is not the case then ask yourself why do you have the need to do those things? You need to tell your brain that you don't need him to function properly, you used to live with no problem with out doing those things and you know how to that. What can happen if you don't check your email or if he doesn't talk to you in a day? Absolutely nothing and you have to have that clear, he is still going to be your boyfriend and he will still have feelings for you. Those things are unnecessary. Talk to a professional if it doesn't get better. Best wishes :)
I've had this issue a lot in the past. I just get so.... Attached to people, you know? But it really needs to be fixed, because not only is it unhealthy for you, but it's unhealthy for him and your relationship. The first thing to remember is that you CAN survive and be happy without him. Relationships don't work if you're together out of necessity. Think back to what you liked to do before dating him and do it alone or with other friends. If you can't think of anything, try new stuff that intrigues you. Spend time alone and with friends. Don't push him out all together, but you need to learn to have a life outside of his existence. It's fine to want to spend lots of time together, but it's essential that you also have a healthy amount of time apart. Stop stalking him and his exes. Stop checking for texts or emails all the time. It's not the end of the world if you miss a call or two every now and again, there will be other times. If you can't control yourself, try spending an hour at least once every few days with your phone and your computer off (make sure to tell him and other people who will want to contact you that you're doing so first!) g
Good luck, I know it may be difficult, but unhealthy obsessions can be detrimental to relationships.