I am Afraid of Getting too Close to People?

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(This may get long and confusing because I am more rambling and letting out my thoughts than anything. If you do chose to read and help Thank you in advance :) )
So, I have been noticing that I always seem to be uncomfortable and afraid of getting close to anyone. Even family. I’ve realized this after a situation that has occurred recently. I have been in a toxic friendship for months and I never knew how to cope or leave. I have been ignoring her for a week but I feel horrible as her birthday just passed and I didn’t even wish her a happy birthday :/ . But while all of this has been going on I thought maybe sticking to family would be better so I started spending more time with my brother and sister and mother and father. This is what has made me think there is some sort of anxiety involved with me becoming close with people. My family now always wants to spend time with me but this gives me this same sense of responsibility and burden and expectation that causes me so much stress. I feel obligated to always talk to them because I dont want to be rude and tell them I dont want to spend time with them so I just don’t know what to do. I still live with my family so I can’t just fake being busy or anything I sometimes did with friends when I felt overwhelmed. I currently cant sleep because of the stress so I figured I’d write it out to see what people I don’t know think I should do. I dont want to push people away but it always seems like I have to.

asked July 29, 2015

3 Answers

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First of all, I'm glad you vented. Sometimes just letting out how you feel onto a piece of paper or on a site like this is a good way to express really how you feel without letting your mind scramble all over the place and especially on different stuff, which I find is hard to do when I'm thinking in my head about problem solving. Now to start I would like to say that I'm not a professional, yet you're constant stress over relationships with friends and family, could be a sign of some form of an anxiety disorder, if these situations causes you to stress in bed, mostly every night or just affecting your life in general (which I'm assuming they are). I suggest seeing a professional counselor (Whether it be in school or an out of school one) or even you're family doctor so he could point you in the right direction in helping you over come these "stressors." This could be a great step into your relationship issue with family as you could tell your parents about the stress you feel around them. It's okay to be honest with them, everyone sometimes needs a little time alone, yet too much of anything is bad (Even thinking about non interaction with them is still bad). And I fully see you're difficulties in leaving friendships alone, as you'll feel regret or even guilt such as the example you expressed when your friend's birthday recently had passed. My suggestion, since I overcomed situations in which I couldn't leave and say goodbye to a bad relationship is to simply back off from them, don't let them expect anything of you as you probably won't for them, and if you do expect anything of him, chances are they're not doing it as that's why it's a toxic relationship. It's not to say, ignore them. Because you can't ignore people you hate, sometimes it's impossible to, yet you can always provide the most minimal interactions with them as possible and still keep that relationship, yet remember to keep it at that minimal to avoid it becoming toxic which will create an unwanted stressor. You can say "Happy birthday" yet don't ask anything else, you can't care for them as they probably won't care for you. That's not saying you can't let people in close, you just haven't found that trusted relationship yet, or that needed trust in a person, even if it's family. I have troubles trusting some of my relatives too, yet don't stress about it. You will someday find that relationship and if you're looking to start, you can send me a message and I'll happily start chatting with you friend. Best of luck and I hope to hear good results from you!
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Thank you for the advice! I will try to look into maybe getting a professional, it really did help to just write it all out, and helped even more that someone understood. So once again thank you!
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Always remember that time for yourself is just as important as time for your family and friends, especially if you start to become overwhelmed. I would suggest just letting your family know the times you want some time for you. I'm sure they can understand that. I can see how being around people for an extended period of time can be too much, it certainly happens to me. I hope things can improve for you! :]