(This may get long and confusing because I am more rambling and letting out my thoughts than anything. If you do chose to read and help Thank you in advance )
So, I have been noticing that I always seem to be uncomfortable and afraid of getting close to anyone. Even family. I’ve realized this after a situation that has occurred recently. I have been in a toxic friendship for months and I never knew how to cope or leave. I have been ignoring her for a week but I feel horrible as her birthday just passed and I didn’t even wish her a happy birthday :/ . But while all of this has been going on I thought maybe sticking to family would be better so I started spending more time with my brother and sister and mother and father. This is what has made me think there is some sort of anxiety involved with me becoming close with people. My family now always wants to spend time with me but this gives me this same sense of responsibility and burden and expectation that causes me so much stress. I feel obligated to always talk to them because I dont want to be rude and tell them I dont want to spend time with them so I just don’t know what to do. I still live with my family so I can’t just fake being busy or anything I sometimes did with friends when I felt overwhelmed. I currently cant sleep because of the stress so I figured I’d write it out to see what people I don’t know think I should do. I dont want to push people away but it always seems like I have to.