Hubby has a new friend?

I understand that him having a female friend that he seems very involved with can make you uncomfortable, but you got to check firsthand and see in what ways this is really harming your relationship. From what you wrote, one thing I see is that he offers you to join in the happy times, but he sorts of knows you will say no due to your family workload, so I think one concrete thing you can do is to call him out on inviting you to go with him (for example, ask to be given enough time between the invite and the event so that you can arrange for a babysitter/relative to watch the kids, or actively plan with her activities where you can bring the kids with you and go there as a family, like picnics?). Make it so that you can join them and make your presence felt. Or in general, make it so that you don't always have to be at home while he goes out having fun: he has movie nights with his friends? Ask him to watch the kids so that you can have movie nights with yours, or go to a pottery class or whatever you think would help you being social and relax, rather than staying home worrying about husband. And if you don't go already on date nights with him, look into it.

Sounds fishy to me. You need to go with him when he goes over there. Ask your parents to watch the kids. It's not appropriate to make friends of the opposite sex after you're married, if the spouse is not included. Also, since she is separating, your husband needs to know that this makes you uncomfortable... The fact that he compared you to her in saying that 'you never talk to him, and she does' sounds like a threat. If there is 'nothing to' his relationship with her, then he shouldn't mind if you request that you ALL go out together / to a public place.. McDonald's with the kids.. A park... A ball game, etc.! He should NOT be going to her house without you included. Sounds like he makes excuses in order to stop by her place. If he tells you that you have no choice in who he should hang out with as friends... You could be a smart-ass, and Tell him you should take turns watching the kids, while the other one hangs out with attractive people of the opposite sex. And if he's not okay with that statement, say, ok... Well... Then the kids and I will go with you to her house, or we can drop them off at Mom and Dad ( or his Mom and Dad ) for an hour while you and I go visit. IOW: Put your foot down. He is being inappropriate.

Hello, Miss Kaz, you did the right thing in reaching out.

Fifteen years and two kids later. Wow, you guys have really put a dent in life with your commitment to one another. That is all the more reason why it is crucial to keep your relationship in perspective. If a person is not feeling fulfilled, they will and should seek that fulfillment.

You said that she is a very social and you are more or less a homebody, that he has to "twist your arm" to get you out. It may be time to re-evaluate your relationship down to the bones. People change over time and you may need to go through a period of getting to know one another again, just to get on the same page! You and your husband have needs, and it is important to stay in communication about your needs as you each grow and develop over the years. You cannot fulfill one another if you do not know what the other one is needing or wanting, and even if your husband is remaining faithful to your marriage, it is clear beyond all doubt that he needs more socializing in his life, else he would not be seeking it.

I recommend you pursue family counseling if a family sit-down does not yield any fruit, or if you find that the two of you cannot communicate effectively enough.

If you'd like to discuss this further, my inbox is always open at blahtherapy.com/members/blackholehead

Wow sounds like what I went through with my husband. I am in college and he is attending university where he meets new people all the time. He is an artist and one of his classes required certain materials that he needed to purchase, he offered to take a couple of his female friends and classmates to the art supply store since he was going that way. He normally insists that I accompany him when he goes anywhere but this time he didn't. He asked if I wanted to go and I said that I couldn't and he said okay and was about to leave. This fact that he didn't insist was a huge red flag for me so I changed my mind and went with him. I met the two girls and when I saw them I knew he liked one of them (lets call her Sally), she's just his type. She's an artist, skinny, same taste in music, and outgoing. That day they kept to themselves and we dropped them off at home and went on our way. A few days later he received a text from Sally saying that she had asked the other girl for his number. My husband always talked about all his classmates except for Sally, yet they would text. One day I confronted him and asked if he liked her, he admitted to liking her and hanging out with her during school hours. I talked to her and told her that she needs to respect married men and stay away. I told the same to my husband. If he didn't respect me and wanted to be with her to go right ahead. He still sees her around but he says he doesn't talk to her and I'm trying to trust him but its hard to believe something that you cannot see for yourself. I think that you need to start being more involved in your husbands friendships and in every other way. Since you're at home all the time he may need that social stimulation and finds it with her. I definitely think that if he's not attracted to her, he eventually will. She's a single woman and has nothing to loose. Get involved and make sure they both understand how you feel and come to an agreement that when they hang out, you always have to be present.