So four years ago I was in a very dark place (mentally) due to constant years of bullying. Back then I couldn’t see happiness in anything and had such a dismally low self-esteem that I was disgusted and angered by my own reflection. Of course back then I didn’t want to scare my family, so I simply put on a fake smile as I felt myself drawing closer and closer to a day in which I’d finally snap and end my life. However, in a class of mine the teacher made me swap seats with another in classmate and the person I ended up sitting next to changed my life. Unlike my other friends at the time, once I became friends with him, he actually stood up for me when others picked on me (my other friends just sat there and offered comfort after the bullying happened). He made me laugh, appreciate the small things in life, and most importantly he prevented me from going through with my thoughts of suicide.
Now if you couldn’t tell already, I was a VERY secretive person back then and never told him how he unknowingly saved my life. Not just that but we had a fall out a year latter due to a misunderstanding caused by someone who didn’t like me. Luckily the happiness he brought back into my life out weighed the sudden cold glares/painful stares I received from him after the misunderstanding (thus preventing me from reverting back to my depressed self). Of course I’ve tried to explain to him the misunderstanding (from my view), but he refused to believe me. Since then I’ve given up on ever being friends like we once were, well that’s what I try to tell myself. However, I know I can’t move on completely until I tell him in some way that I’m thankful for meeting him and telling him that he saved my life. BUT because of what happened when I tried to clear up the misunderstanding, I refuse to do it in person (or let him know of my identity when telling him). Is there any way I can just simply say “thank you for making me the person I am today, you saved my life” (or something like that) without having someway for him to trace the message back to me (because there’s no way someone wouldn’t try to find out who told them something like that)?