How to stop being “addicted” to someone?


I decided that I really needed therapy last summer after I dated this guy, Andrew, for a while, and we broke up because of my “addictive” behavior. He just didn’t want to be with me because I was too crazy and clingy, It ended really badly (long story), because he has some aggressivity issue, enough that the police had to come between us. I had to move out of my place for my safety. That really made me realized that I need help because I can’t be in relationships like this… Plus it wasn’t working since the beginning because of my problems and I really want to be able to have a nice relationship one day. It’s so important to me.
It’s the second time that the police is involved in one of my relationship because I constantly dated people who have serious problems. Most of time, I do things wrong to, if I wasn’t so addicted to them, they wouldn’t act they way they do, but at the end of the day, they are the aggressive one and I am attracted to them (if a guy is nice to me, I will FOR SURE be not attracted to them, even if I do not that it doesn’t make sense and that I shouldn’t feel this way.) How can I change this? Why do this happen to me? I can’t help myself!

Category: Tags: asked April 12, 2014

5 Answers

I just wanted to say that your "clingy" behavior or whatever you want to call it does NOT justify any guy abusing you in any way. You are NOT at fault for that so don't follow that line of thinking - please. I basically agree with ChildoftheUniverse's thoughts on this.
I think the underlying issue here is the way you feel about yourself. Receiving love from others is reflective of having self love. Basically, you have trouble accepting guys being nice to you because you don't feel you deserve it or it makes you uncomfortable. Guys treating you like shit is happening because you are allowing it to. Addiction can also be a way to cope with self loathing. I'd say you need to come to terms with yourself before you can be ready for a healthy relationship. I am offering advice from past experience and mean no harm. Hope it helps :)
You're a classic case of wanting the bad boys and the nice guys finish last in your eyes. Maybe you look for danger when it comes to romance. You're turned on by the fact that this guy deals shit instead of takes it. It's common and completely wrong. A relationship is supposed to be nice and kind and nice guys deserve much more than they get. The next time you meet a nice guy, give the poor dude a chance and you might just warm up to him. Proper men are brought up to have respect for the law, society, and the women in it. You want to love a proper man right? Then give the nice guys a chance and you'll be pleasantly surprised.
I would suggest trying to be more cautious when you find yourself attracted to a guy. If you can immediately identify dangerous and aggressive behavior, try to distance yourself from him so you can analyze your thought processes without getting involved just yet. As for not being attracted to guys being nice to you, perhaps you just haven't met the right sorts of guys yet? Attraction may seem like it follows some rigid rules, but there are always outliers.
MichaelValentine, don't be so embarrassing. Tip your fedora if you need to and get out. Maybe go masturbate to some My Little Pony?