After being stepped in I-don’t-know-how-many times, I just stopped believing in people and love. Started thinking of everyone – including myself – as chronic liars. I just think every single person in this planet that I come to meet, and give my heart to, is just going to break it and then walk away. I don’t trust anyone, and I don’t think love is anything other than a huge lie – Just something people think they feel and then get over it. I just want to stop guarding my heart all the time, being so suspicious and on the edge. I just want to relax and trust someone once in a while. I have people that I wish I could just trust, I have friends and people that I deeply care about and desperately wish to give a piece of me. But I just can’t give it to them without cringing and preparing myself for the blow that will eventually come. If you were once like me, what did you do to overcome that feeling?
I felt like that after the first time I fell in love. I was 19, and he was definitely the wrong guy. It took me two years to get over him, and those two years were rough. The 2-3 relationships I had after, I made sure that I was the one that was loved, rather than the one "in love." It was a selfish thing to do. In those relationships, I always felt secure, I always felt confident, because I dated men who loved me. But I got stuck too - knowing that I didn't feel quite the same way, but feeling too complacent and too guilty to break it off. I always waited for those those relationships to wilt away. And sometimes it took a long time. As a result, I spent most of my 20s comfortable, but not truly with someone I loved and who loved me back. Looking back, those years were selfishly wasted, for me and for the men I was with. I should have kept looking after that first heartbreak. I chose the safe route, and I regret it because the only thing scarier than putting yourself out there, is looking back at your best years with regret.
Well it seems like you've been like this for at least a few years. There is almost always a root to the problem. Try to think back to your childhood and anything that might've lead up to you being so guarded. If there was anything traumatizing, that may be the reason. To overcome this issue, the key is to have an open mind. If someone did you wrong in the past, just think..that's them. One person on the whole entire planet. If you start new with someone else, they will be a completely different person. They won't be like the last person. It's a clean new slate! Also, you being guarded can cause a person to feel differently about you, so try to be open with whoever you're with.They will hopefully reciprocate because you're giving them a chance to show you that they're different than the others! :) Hope I helped!
I agree with Firefly. The thought of any real romance made me sick to the stomach. My ex msged one on a whim resulting in days of failed attempts at eating. He really hurt me. I tried my best to put on a brave face but my family worried constantly. Had to drink ensure. I realized I just wasnt ready for romance. And got much needed "me" time. I tried dating around but I'm just too messed up. I'm glad i realized this. age 20. I'm still trying to get over my ex. My first love. I let that person in so much in my isolate world. Now, I've learned to open up to others. Made new friends and took up new hobbies. I feel much happier with who I am. Ever need to talk. Just msg me,k? Best wishes, Soulfound