I am 21. I grw up with an abusive family both mentally and physically. was never attractive so i never had a bf or first kiss till 19. fell for an abusiver who i thought was a gift from god to finally feel loved. he introduced me to a “prophet” who turned out to be a cult christian leader. fell for that for a year. which is why i dont believe in God anymore. I am still dealing with the after effects which are:
-PSTD
-NO JOB
-NOT IN SCHOOL
-SUICIDAL ATTEMPTS
-MOOD SWINGS
-BEING BRAINWASHED
He told me tht my fam didnt love me, not to go to school, to not look for dance gigs bcuz he would provide and would get very angry when i tried. said i was money hungry. said i was all these things. the cult leader said God was gunna do this and that all while taking my money having me being delusional.
It was very hard for me to get a job bcuz i was so afraid of even the interviewer hurting me i could not open up. He made me believe i was a bad person for looking for a job and tht i was money hungry. I am still recovering. I JUST NEED HELP TO FINISH theres so many problems and im realizing they were the root to all of it its like finding old treasure but actually realizing its poison and trying to fix it im so tired i just want someone to hire me already so i can stop being sad
