How to move on from the past…


So it’s been a little over a year since my abusive ex boyfriend has broken up with me. At being 15 I know it’s hard labeling an abusive boyfriend when he didn’t physically harm me, but he was an emotional abuser. At times he was a sexual abuser too but he never raped me. He joked about raping me and he would try to make deals with me for if I kiss him or if I french kiss him or if I let him… He also say things like I could never find someone who would listen or love me as much as he did…and said a lot of other things that aren’t good.

But I know that these things aren’t true and I do have another boyfriend who is really supportive and caring and in ten days we will be dating for 11 months. But I still have the bad feeling that I am letting him still control how I think and how I control my current relationship.

I know that I shouldn’t forget the traits of him so I know what to look in for a current boyfriend and all, but all I want to be is free from the thought that I am scared of him and every time I see him in the halls at school I’m not myself and it’s hard to be myself. I coward and hide behind my boyfriend and friends. Why can’t I just face up to him? How can I move on?

Category: Tags: asked November 13, 2013

4 Answers

I was like you when I had my first bf. When he got married, and I had a my bf, I still felt hurt and hated myself for feeling that way. I thought it'd never went away. (4 years have passed, girl). Sometimes time can only tell because we are in different situations. Just believe you'll be over him soon. It's even harder if you have same circle of friends and all, but try to focus your love to your current one.
Just take those feelings for what they are. You are scared and feel sick when you see him because he is a bad person for treating you that way. Take it as motivation to never be like the girl he tried to make you when you were dating. Don't be the girl that he turned you into. Be better than that!
I had a very similar relationship when I was your age. My boyfriend made me feel bad about myself, and it affected how I saw myself for years. My advice would be to avoid him, there's nothing wrong with keeping him out of your life. He made you unhappy and he doesn't deserve to be let in again. With time you will learn more about yourself and learn to love yourself more and more. Stay with people who make you feel good about yourself and support you. Eventually you will start to forget all the things your ex made you feel and be much happier.Good luck!
Avatar of V
I think you should talk to your current boyfriend about this because he might be able to help or understand what your going through and might help your try to forget about the way your ex treated you. Maybe you should confront your ex about it to get some closure into what happened to you - but if your not confident enough to do that, then write a letter to him and just drop it in his locker or something, just so he knows that what he did to you was wrong and that you can get it off your chest. Try to surround yourself with positive and optimistic people and leave nice notes about yourself in the bathroom, bedroom, locker, etc so that every time you see them you can smile and be happy. Just remember to just not think of the negative thoughts, rather the positive ones and hopefully everything will work out from there. Good luck and if you ever want to talk, I'm here :)