How to love someone who doesn’t love themselves?

My boyfriend has such a low opinion of himself that stems from past abuse. I completely understand why he is this way, and I support him 100%. To me, he’s wonderful in every way, but he only sees himself as a useless stoner with an awful past and an unclear future. It just breaks my heart.
And not only is it putting a small strain on our relationship (I say small because it’s not going to tear us apart or anything, it’s just difficult for both of us), but it’s also putting a strain on the relationship between me and my parents. My parents are dying to meet him, and they only want to meet him to say hi and begin to invite him in as a person in my life, but my boyfriend won’t meet them yet. He is completely fine with meeting them, he just doesn’t want them meeting him because he doesn’t feel like he is worthy enough or that he is someone to “show off” because of this awful opinion of himself.
I just want him to see that I accept him just the way he is, and nothing that he has said or done has made me think less of him in any way. I don’t think that me just saying these things will change how he feels about himself because that’s within him. But I want to know how I can make him see that I care and that I don’t think that he is any of the things that he thinks he is. I want to help him, but I’m lost.

Category: Dating & Relationships asked March 8, 2015

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4 Answers

dear em , a person who is suffering from a low self esteem may be looking for a person who makes them feel special.I respect you for standing beside him even after knowing his problems . listen to my advice do small small things* to make him feel special . (small small things - may vary depending on person.some people loves a morning coffe made just for them , where as a kiss might work for others . ) you know him well enough to choose for him....Best of luck.

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TABBRIS APREM

Give him time to get comfortable with the idea. You can sit down with him and explain that he is a part of your family too now. Also tell him that he can take his time and that he only has to meet your parents when he feels ready. Make sure he doesn't feel pressured in any way. He might also be worried what your parents would think of him. Give him time, make him feel as comfortable as possible. I know what it's like to be on his side from this, so if you'd like to talk more about this, feel free to message me.

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Rain

9,516

Dear Em,Firstly, I wanted to congratulate you being such a supportive girlfriend. It's a difficult situation and I know that many people wouldn't do what you have done, stay with him I mean. Now, people with a low self esteem needs assurance. They need to know that you are going to be with them, that you like them, that you support them. Sometimes they may be a little more jealous for you, ''suffocating'' you. Before you think the break up plan, sit down with him. Explain to him that he is the one you want. Tell him he is perfect for you with his upside downs. Maybe he won't believe you, but trust me. You will make him happy with those words. And of course, don't stay in words. Words mean nothing without actions. An advice. You have to find the source to fix the problem. If you know why is he having these thoughts it would be easier to make him believe in himself. As for your parents, tell them they have to wait before they meet him. Tell them he is a great guy but he is a little shy or something like that. I hope I helped a bit. If you need anything else, don't hesitate and send me a message.

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Micka

I'm that person who doesn't love themselves. And what i always wanted is people getting to know me, wanting to know all my problems and make conversations with me even when i have nothing to say. The best way is to try, and never stop trying, because that's all we want. We don't love ourselves because we never really felt anyone loving us, so we thought we didn't need to either. You loving yourself will be a great example for your boyfriend, he will slowly be influenced by you, time will tell and he will understand how much you love him and he will slowly love himself.

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BlackSheep