So this might be a little harsh, but:
You've been through so much already. It makes sense that you would be adverse to touching. But Kelly Bells, even if you hadn't had a physically abusive stepfather, you would still deserve to have your own personal space, and to have a partner that respects that space.
The point of being in a relationship is to be with someone you enjoy, and the core features of a healthy relationship are communication, trust, respect, and consent. You need to be able to communicate your needs and understand theirs, trust each other, respect each other as equals, and know and respect each others boundaries, interests, and be able to tell each other no without guilt or fear of repercussion.
If you are uncomfortable with your partner touching you, then your partner needs to respect your boundaries, listen if you say no, and be able to stop. There is no "but I'm a boy and I have urges", no "blue balls", no "you were okay with hugging, so you should be okay with anything else". No. That's not how it works. If a partner tries to force you to do anything against your will for their benefit, there's no point in being in a relationship with them because it means 1) that they don't respect you as an individual with your own unique needs, that 2) that they are comfortable with hurting you physically and/or emotionally to satisfy their needs, and 3) that they aren't ready for a relationship, because they aren't mature enough to be patient and they don't understand the word or physical expression of "no".
Bad things have happened to you, and it's completely logical that you aren't fully equipped to handle so much physical affection. It's okay. I'm certain that if you had a friend that was attacked by a shark, they probably wouldn't be leaping back into the ocean right away and would be scared of sharks, if not terrified. I'm also sure you wouldn't be dragging them out to the ocean and forcing them into the water after they'd healed enough to get back in.
This is no different. It makes sense and it's completely okay for you to be so adverse to touching in such a manner, and it's only right for everyone else to understand that you have boundaries that you're not ready for others to cross just yet.
You need time and therapy, and someone you can depend on. If you want a relationship, that's okay, but it needs to be with someone who isn't going to push you to do anything no matter what. You can't be in a relationship with someone who gets tired of no touching and gives you an ultimatum or anything. They knew what they were getting into when the consented to a relationship with you. Relationships shouldn't require physical affection to be functioning. Yes, the physical stuff is nice, but it's not true love if it comes with at price of your mental or physical health.
I know you want to be close physically with someone else, but if touching might give you a panic attack, you just aren't ready to jump into this right away. You need to go slowly and ease into it. If you think you're ready to kiss, and I mean REALLY ready, as in you think you won't freak out, then you can do it. If you're ready to hug, then hug. Allow yourself to heal and get comfortable. But don't rush it.
Don't beat yourself up over this, okay? The abuse wasn't your fault, and neither is this aversion to physical touching. This is out of your control. If you broke your bone, you'd be resting and easing back into it slowly, not sprinting a 5K a week after you break it. If you're not ready, you're not ready, and there's not much you can do about it. You need to take it slow and wait it out. I know you're impatient, but you can't force yourself to be more comfortable with something that triggers you.
And tell your friends and family about your being uncomfortable, too. If they love you, they'll hold back on the affection. Just like a romantic relationship, you shouldn't be with friends and family who don't understand what "no" means and are more comfortable with you freaking out and being extremely uncomfortable or even triggered so they can touch you than by stepping back and allowing you to heal slowly. There are more ways of showing your affection for somebody that don't involve touching them, and it's not okay to touch somebody without them being okay with it, even if you meant well in the first place. Just because someone doesn't mean to do something bad to you doesn't erase the fact that they did something bad to you.
