In my senior year of high school, I met this girl (we’ll call her Sam) through some of my other friends. Sam and I eventually became good “at-school” friends, who also hung out a little outside of school (but not like best friends tend to do). We found out we were accepted to the same college, and planned to room together. This was the first mistake.
We are very different people, and we didn’t know each other very well before rooming together, but I figured it was better than a random roommate. Throughout the first year of college, we never fought. We had moments where we would silently be p*ssed at each other, and it was obvious we were mad, but we never verbalized it (which I think is worse than actually saying something).
I’m an introvert, she’s an extrovert. She didn’t know I was an introvert until school started. As a freshman, I was far away from home, lonely, stressed, and mildly depressed. I spent a lot of time in my room because I don’t make friends easily and I prefer to sit on the internet after having classes and work all day. I stayed in our dorm room a lot. I used headphones and kept to myself…I never thought I was annoying Sam. Second semester she made some friends and spent a little more time away from the dorm with them, but not much. I didn’t mind not having friends, and I loved watching Netflix and doing nothing. When it came time to pick roommates and a new dorm next year, we agreed to be roommates and agreed on a dorm.
I thought we made it through the year completely fine, but on the morning of move-out day at the end of the year, she said, “We should talk about next year. You should think of stuff you want me to change next year.” I was instantly nervous. Yeah, she did some things that were annoying sometimes, but there wasn’t anything I didn’t understand and so I told her she didn’t have to change anything. Then she started criticizing me.
“I feel like you just stay in the room a lot, unless you’re going to class. I need more space from you. Maybe you should go to the library or the study lounge more. You’re anti-social and rude.”
That’s about all I can remember. What she said was mostly true, I’ll give her that. I do stay in the room a lot and do my homework there. Usually I have no need to go to the library or study lounge. When people she knows come into the room, if I don’t like them, I won’t talk to them. They don’t talk to me! Why is it bad for me to ignore them…wouldn’t it be even more rude if I just up and left the room when someone she knows came to the room every time? She basically told me that I need to change my entire personality for her benefit, because I’m not socially acceptable for her.
It really upset me and it’s been even more damaging to my low self-esteem. I tried to avoid her as much as possible that summer (we live in the same hometown). I was devastated, and I felt that she truly hated me. I didn’t know what I could do to change…I have no other friends at school to hang out with (I also don’t WANT any friends). This year, she’s in the dorm room just as much as I am. Right off the bat this year, she’s been acting annoyed with me. I say hi and try to start conversations and try and make her laugh and she looks at me like I’m crazy. I hate it here, absolutely hate it. I really am starting to dislike her. She ignores me and acts SO mad and she doesn’t try to introduce me to her friends or anything. When she sees someone she knows, she instantly has the biggest smile and will laugh and talk with them, and as soon as that person leaves, she’s back to acting p*ssed around me and won’t talk or laugh. She stopped getting lunch/dinner with me, and for a week straight she decided to stop talking/acknowledging me completely. She went out of town to visit mutual friends without me, and I was crushed. I made a post about how “it sucks being left out of a friends group, but I guess I’ll get over it”. When she decided to start talking to me again, she said that posting that was rude because she knew it was about her (I didn’t know my feeling left out was rude to her, but whatever). I told her I just thought it was weird she went without me, when she begged me to go with her last year. She said that I am “not her responsibility”. She also again told me that I need to leave the room more during nights because she needs space.
I’m more depressed and homesick this year. I don’t know what to do at all. Can I have some advice please?
