First of all, my english is really bad, so sorry for following mistakes.
Some years ago I moved to another country and then it all started. I was bullied for years and I haven’t any friends – I was hit and laughed at. I started cutting. Then all of a sudden, after a school-vacation, everybody became friendly. They stopped bullying me and I got popular. I had many friends, I can’t believed that – I have even stopped cutting.
Then two years later it changed – again. I changed to another school and I knew nobody. So, I was a shy and unpopular child. I started cutting, smoking and I got an eating disorder. I felt lonley all the time, because I never talked really much with my parents.. And I lost all my “friends” from the past. It lasts for one year and after that I changed school again. Before school started I got a boyfriend, I love him so much but I can’t show him. After a while I quit a relationship or friendship or I don’t know – why? Because I just think about how it will end and how painful it will be. I am really scared because I don’t want to quit my relationship, but.. Yeah, it’s really hard to understand. Also, a few weeks ago my father tried to hit me, because I yelled at him – and.. yeah.. He is a bad father, he have never taken care of me or smth else.
All the time I am sad and feel lonely.. I cry a lot, usually before I go to bed – when I have time to overthink. I often think about killing myself… I don’t see sense in living. I am not scared from the death – I am scared of dying.
I… I.. I hope you have some advice for me – and I really tried to sum up my story.. So yeah.
