how to deal with his ex girlfriend?

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I’m wondering how in the world I should deal with my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend

Her and I were Facebook friends while him and her were dating. He’s been my best friend since we were 12. While him and her were dating,I’d kinda be a peer mediator , and a listening ear. They dated for 3 years, and were.pretty close.

He has harbored a crush on me since we met, and we started dating this week

When they broke up, she told me some pretty horrible things about him, like he was verbally abusive and mean to her. I didn’t really believe anything she told me,because that just didn’t sound like my friend,now boyfriend. I’d still sit as a listening ear to her though, being as neutral as possible.

He never really said anything bad about her, wasn’t particularly happy, but he never trashed her.

Once him and I started dating, I told him all she’s been telling me ,because I felt he had the right to know

When him and I started dating earlier this week, she started messaging me, saying I didn’t need to be in competition with her, that his heart still belongs to her and stuff along those lines. She also said he never actually had a crush on me, which I kNew was wrong. I told my boyfriend what she said then too.

Mind you, SHE ended their relationship

He tried to talk to her about that. She then proceeded to chew me out and harrass me on Facebook. She called me a fake friend, insecure and a liar. She told me I lied to ny boyfriend, amd that I could never get between her and him. When I tried to apologize, saYing possibly I misunderstood something she said( which is honestly possible) she said I was lying

When I tried to get ahold of mt boyfriend, she told me to stop calling him ,to stop messaging him, and to leave him alone. She said she’d tell me when I could message him,that she was calming him down, and that I’m causing drama.

A little after this, I blocked her.

I’m planning on not ever bringing her up again

He’s been pretty stressed all night, and hasn’t spoke to me all night, and really, I don’t blame him

How do I handle her, and help him out?

Category: Tags: asked November 15, 2014

3 Answers

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This is stalking and harresment, get all the evidence you have, and show them to the police, and report her so she can go to jail.
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Basically, you kicked her self esteem in the balls by making her realize that your current boyfriend didn't actually need her and could be perfectly happy without her. She wants to prove to herself that she can get him back if she wants to. She'd probably break up with him again soon after. Especially considering her behavior now, it seems that her claims of verbal abuse are bullshit. She just didn't want to be seen as the bad guy in this breakup, even though she ended it. This girl is a mess of issues. You could probably find some way to get your boyfriend to see that, and if he takes action against her she's pretty much done. Alternatively, you could make the facts obvious to everyone if she tries to spread rumors about you. Understanding why she's doing what she's doing helps either way. Do you have any text logs of her saying these things? Anything in writing? Proof always gives you the upper hand. Use it as either a threat or as a way of shutting her up if you do. People who set out to ruin your life for things like this can cause incredibly long term damage. People always tend to believe the accuser. You need to nip this in the bud. Preferably in the quietest way possible, but if there's no other option... be as loud as you need to be.
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I don't think that it's okay that you told him everything that she told you. In your point of view he has the right to know because it's about him, but I don't think you should have told him. She told you those things in trust. You said you tried to be neutral, but telling him all the things she said isn't being neutral. It sounds more like "look how many bad things she's saying about you". He could have said something about that to her, which could have led her to all the insults that she made towards you. Maybe your boyfriend does still feel something for her, considering that she broke up. It's understandable that your boyfriend is stressed out because of this. Because he's the one who's caught between this. He's caught between a girl he was with for 3 years who dumped him and a girl who he's with now that he had a crush on for so long. I think he cares about both of you and it's not fun for him to see you two fighting like this. It's okay that you blocked her, that's probably better. I think it's better if you don't bring this up to him so much. For the time being, just give him some space to let it all sink in. When he does spend time with you again, don't bring all of this up because it will only stress him more.