My mother is a paranoid, bipolar, often aggressive and very impatient woman. My fiance has a tendency to be something of a narcissistic sociopath with anger issues… Sounds like a catch I know, but he’s loving and we’ve been working things out over the past 8 years.
I love these people dearly, but I feel like coupled with my own anxiety and what feels like the start of the second biggest slip into depression I’ve had since my teenage years, that they are driving me insane. I have no way to pull away from either of them without cutting ties with other members of my family or neglecting responsibilities at home. Understand that I would talk to others about this if they didn’t have their own problems to deal with. My sister is going through a divorce with a child to care for and my father and Nana’s health are both fragile. I do my best not to put my burden on them, they don’t need the additional stress. There’s no way for someone to confide in their family with the thoughts I’ve been having without them feeling as though it’s their fault, which it isn’t… Not entirely at least. To say this is the end of my emotional rope doesn’t seem to fit, but it definitely feels like it’s frayed, and I have no idea how to fix it. What do you do when you have nowhere to go and nobody to help?
As long as this is, it’s about as condensed as I could express my feelings… There are a million things buzzing in my brain right now along with the tooth grinding screaming that I’ve internalized (pretty sure if I let it out the cops would show up) and the constant reminder to myself that crying all the time isn’t productive. Trying to be strong, but it doesn’t seem like something I can handle on my own for much longer without losing it completely.
Any advice or really just someone to talk to so I can get this out of me is immensely appreciated. Thank you to those who bothered to read this novel length question.