I know this may sound pathetic, but ever since I can remember, I’ve been crazy insecure about my looks. I’m a 17 year old girl, 5’6 140 pounds, and I feel fat and ugly every single day of my life. I know it’s kind of vain to be worrying about that stuff, but it interferes with my social life. Not to mention that I feel like shit whenever I’m with my best friend, who is perfect. She’s super skinny everywhere, tiny waist, golden tan, curvy in the right places, huge butt, stunning face and bone structure, perfect skin, beautiful eyes, smile, perfect long shiny hair, everything. I on the other hand have, honestly, a big stomach with no waist whatsoever, fat arms, fat legs, chin fat, small hips, small butt, pale unlike her golden glow. My body isn’t tiny, I feel huge next to her, and it isn’t curvy in the right places. My arms have bumps all over from genes, and some on my legs. My face has a ton of redness, mild acne on my forehead, chubbyish cheeks, flat eyelashes, weird shaped eyes that are plain brown, an uneven ugly smile that shows so much gums, small teeth, blah dry brown hair with no natural shape. Its kinda straight but with a wave, and isn’t silky, but frizzy. I’m kind of plain, especially compared to her. I try so hard to look half as good as her. I wear foundation, concealer, mascara, eyeshadow, higlighter for a glow, and always put my hair back because no at home hair treatment I try works for my dull hair. I have been trying to lose weight since the 8th grade (I’m a senior) by exercising. I lost a ton of weight before ninth grade because I had a ton of free time in the summer. I entered a rigorous high school that gave me zero time for any free time, much less exercise. In 10th grade, I started college and had more time, and ever since I’ll exercise 5 days a week for a period straight, like a month, but then for some reason stop and get discouraged. I have bad time management, which I’m trying to fix, which doesn’t give me too much time to exercise every day. After 4 years on and off, I don’t think I’ll ever lose 25 pounds. Whenever I’m with her on campus, guys will go up to her and hit on her (call her exotic looking), or ask for her number, and every guy we meet ends up following her on twitter and asking for her number. When we meet a guy we both think is super cute, he’ll go for her, and it upsets me. She has 500 more followers than me on instagram, so that says something. She’s been my best friend since 6th grade and I love her, and I try to not let it get to me, and tell myself to appreciate what I was given, but when I literally have it shoved in my face every day when I’m with her and without, I get really upset. I’m really not trying to pity myself, every day I pick myself up. And the reason everyone talks to her and not me isn’t because I’m not social or anything, I am really sociable if I want, although I am an introvert. People call me cute, but what is that compared to gorgeous, stunning, sexy, everything my best friend is called next to me. People praise her for her fashion too, while I have the same sense of fashion but can’t wear it. There are so many clothes I wish I could buy, but can’t because of my body, but they’ll look amazing on her. It isn’t just her that affects my self esteem, it’s me when I look at other people in my classes, in magazines, on Instagram when I see these gorgeous profiles, in the gym, in the mirror before I shower while I look at myself with disgust, or when I’m washing my hands, or when people look me in the eyes. I wish I had the energy to change my diet and exercise routine permanently and consistently, but so many things get in the way, including my lack of motivation, school and getting distracted easily (time management), easily being one of them. Am I just being pathetic…?