How to deal w self esteem, or change my appearance manually?

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I know this may sound pathetic, but ever since I can remember, I’ve been crazy insecure about my looks. I’m a 17 year old girl, 5’6 140 pounds, and I feel fat and ugly every single day of my life. I know it’s kind of vain to be worrying about that stuff, but it interferes with my social life. Not to mention that I feel like shit whenever I’m with my best friend, who is perfect. She’s super skinny everywhere, tiny waist, golden tan, curvy in the right places, huge butt, stunning face and bone structure, perfect skin, beautiful eyes, smile, perfect long shiny hair, everything. I on the other hand have, honestly, a big stomach with no waist whatsoever, fat arms, fat legs, chin fat, small hips, small butt, pale unlike her golden glow. My body isn’t tiny, I feel huge next to her, and it isn’t curvy in the right places. My arms have bumps all over from genes, and some on my legs. My face has a ton of redness, mild acne on my forehead, chubbyish cheeks, flat eyelashes, weird shaped eyes that are plain brown, an uneven ugly smile that shows so much gums, small teeth, blah dry brown hair with no natural shape. Its kinda straight but with a wave, and isn’t silky, but frizzy. I’m kind of plain, especially compared to her. I try so hard to look half as good as her. I wear foundation, concealer, mascara, eyeshadow, higlighter for a glow, and always put my hair back because no at home hair treatment I try works for my dull hair. I have been trying to lose weight since the 8th grade (I’m a senior) by exercising. I lost a ton of weight before ninth grade because I had a ton of free time in the summer. I entered a rigorous high school that gave me zero time for any free time, much less exercise. In 10th grade, I started college and had more time, and ever since I’ll exercise 5 days a week for a period straight, like a month, but then for some reason stop and get discouraged. I have bad time management, which I’m trying to fix, which doesn’t give me too much time to exercise every day. After 4 years on and off, I don’t think I’ll ever lose 25 pounds. Whenever I’m with her on campus, guys will go up to her and hit on her (call her exotic looking), or ask for her number, and every guy we meet ends up following her on twitter and asking for her number. When we meet a guy we both think is super cute, he’ll go for her, and it upsets me. She has 500 more followers than me on instagram, so that says something. She’s been my best friend since 6th grade and I love her, and I try to not let it get to me, and tell myself to appreciate what I was given, but when I literally have it shoved in my face every day when I’m with her and without, I get really upset. I’m really not trying to pity myself, every day I pick myself up. And the reason everyone talks to her and not me isn’t because I’m not social or anything, I am really sociable if I want, although I am an introvert. People call me cute, but what is that compared to gorgeous, stunning, sexy, everything my best friend is called next to me. People praise her for her fashion too, while I have the same sense of fashion but can’t wear it. There are so many clothes I wish I could buy, but can’t because of my body, but they’ll look amazing on her. It isn’t just her that affects my self esteem, it’s me when I look at other people in my classes, in magazines, on Instagram when I see these gorgeous profiles, in the gym, in the mirror before I shower while I look at myself with disgust, or when I’m washing my hands, or when people look me in the eyes. I wish I had the energy to change my diet and exercise routine permanently and consistently, but so many things get in the way, including my lack of motivation, school and getting distracted easily (time management), easily being one of them. Am I just being pathetic…?

Category: asked October 7, 2013

10 Answers

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accepted
First of all, you're not being pathetic. It's normal for girls to feel inadequate with the kind of society we live in, where women are valued for their physical appearance, rather than their personality. That's exactly what Instagram is. Just a douche hipster platform for people to quantify how aesthetically "interesting" they are. It's not an accurate measure of anything except how much attention you need to feel good about yourself.
I know how difficult it is to be an introvert in a society that glorifies and idealizes extroversion. Girls are always portrayed as "fun, bubbly, flirty, sweet" things. The truth is that's fucking lame and boring. I know it can be frustrating to watch all the attention your friend is getting, especially if she's eating it up and letting it feed her self-worth. The truth is, your self worth is going to be much more resilient than hers, because you haven't been spoon fed self-esteem based on something as shallow as her appearance.
The worst thing is that all this attention isn't based on anything substantial. It's based on these guys sex drives. They see her, they think "I want to bang that, so I'm gonna go talk to it". You wouldn't WANT guys like that to come onto you.
They are few and far-between, but there ARE guys out there who want substance, rather than aesthetic appeal. You're the girl that can provide that. Let your friend take all the shallow douche-bags. Keep working out as much as you can, not because it'll eventually make you look a certain way, but because it's healthy for your body. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Get your self-worth from your intelligence, which is a much more lucrative quality. Eventually looks will fade, but intelligence will keep you happy when that is gone. Feel free to message me if you want. Good luck!
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V
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Everyone at some point in their life feels insecure about themselves. Whether it may be their looks, talents, other peoples views on them or even their lives. They feel judged all the time but in truth are judging themselves more than anyone else. It is human nature to want to be accepted and feel perfect; it's not a sin, it's reality. But the way we see ourselves isn't always a clear image. It's like looking at a smudge on a mirror, and every time you try an wipe the smudge it only smears more. Try looking at your own mirror, not someone else's. We try an see ourselves in the shoes of others. We toss ourselves away to try and put on a different skin. But is it for the best? Is having the best skin, most perfect body, and beautiful hair make you feel happy? Does it make others happy? With one's gain, there's another's loss. There's absolutely no reason to feel bad about yourself.Because you were born you, and only you can change you. Not your "perfect" friend.I can connect on a personal level, I'm a guy. Same age. From when I was little, I've never cared about my image. I don't even know if I consider myself "ugly" or not. I've always kept a straightforward moral of: No matter what anyone thinks about me, the worst they can do is sit there think about it. No one's ever gonna go up and beat me up because i don't meet their standards of "Perfect". Nobody. They can say what they want, they can laugh, they can stare. But I don't care, because I plan on living MY life, not theirs.If you'd like to talk some more, feel free to message me anytime alright? Remember to look forward not to the side when your walking along your life! otherwise you'll trip.
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All the things you listed about yourself, is what makes you, well you. I've gone through the same situation. having a perfect bestfriend, all the guys hit on her, asking for her number when im also right there. and i did feel uncomfortable standing next to her, because of size differences. But you've got to look past that! you have to accept yourself the way you are! and once you do, you'll realize there are other things in like than just comparing yourself to her. don't change, you were beautifully made. :) hope this opened your mind a bit.
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Try looking at things from another view. Your "perfect" friend is your best friend. You go to the extent of calling her perfect. Haven't you wondered why someone like that is close to you? I think it's because this "perfect" friend of yours sees a lot of good things in you. You've been with each other since 6th grade. I bet she has a lot of things she is envious of you about, too. Each and every one of us has something to be proud of. You need to do your best in finding out yours and remember that those good points aren't limited to physical appearance. And do not underestimate the power of being cute. No, seriously. It does things. Smile too. It's always a good starting point.
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Please don't feel pathetic. You are not, I can assure you of this. I can also assure you that just because your friend has the "classic" looks does not mean you are not attractive. I'm a guy, and I find girls of all types sexy and attractive. Sure, I was definitely a lot more superficial in the past, especially in high school, but as time goes by, people begin to look at a lot of different things when they look at a person. Please, please don't ever think someone doesn't think you're beautiful.
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You are not pathetic and you are not worth less because you believe your best friend is more beautiful. As I grew up, I'm still young but still, I never thought I would be able to be with someone without dark hair, darker skin and big brown eyes but I did and I love him fot his blond hair, light skin and green eyes more than anything else. As we grow up we understand the worth of personality more than looks. I believe you have a gorgeous looks but you can't see it. You let yourself compare and compete with her, don't. I've met a lot of gorgeous girls that have no idea how beautiful they are, they just won't see it and to be honest; if you don't let yourself believe you're beautiful then you will shine with self hate and not with confidence. Girls that I think don't look like 'models' (I use the term model as a look that society has decided is beautiful) but have so much confidence that they just look incredibly gorgeous and you just want to be with them, just to be near them and feel their present. If you don't feel like you're beautiful (which you are!) please just fake it til you make it, be that girl I just mentioned. Be that girl everyone feels comft with and please stop compering yourself to your friend. You are beautiful I promise. xo.
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It's pretty normal to be thinking the things that you are thinking right now. Honestly, at your age and height, your weight is pretty normal. Everyone feels insecure about themselves and I bet if you ask your best friend who you think is "perfect" what she dislikes about herself, you'll learn that she is probably in the same thought process as you. She probably thinks she's "ugly" or "fat" and maybe even wishes that she had some of your features instead. Learn to love the way that you are, and others will love you just the same. You describe all of these things to impress others, but you shouldn't do it for others. Anyone who cares about your looks isn't worth your time. Looks fade, honey. Work your brain instead =). There are plenty of guys out there who'd rather have you than your best friend. Trust me.
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thanks guys, i've been trying to stick to the whole base your self worth on your intelligence not your looks. It all helps a lot. :)
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First, keep in mind that you don't have to look exactly like her to be pretty. You are more concerned about being like her than making yourself prettier. Contrary to what you believe in: what looks good on her, probabily won't look good on you because you have different body structures. Its natural for you to worry about thise stuff. But stop comparing yourself to her, and be the best you can be. Besides make up and exercising and stuff have you ever thought of curling your hair permanently and dying it (you are pale so red would look good on you ;) !) And find someone who will teach you to organise your time (I volunteer if you'd like). Good Luck!
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I used to be very insecure. The only way i got over it was by looking in the mirror everyday and saying to myself, *you are beautiful, dont listen to anyone* and i am very confident in myself now. I have had my aunt tell me i was fat and ugly; my cousins; and my "friends". it sent me over the edge. I was at the point where i wanted to kill myself. but i when i told my self that i was beautiful i got better. dont put yourself down. your only gonna make your self believe its all true.