How to break up? Help!


I have been with this guy for 7 yrs now. But for the past one year, I’m feeling confined and frustrated! I really need to to break up with him but he is clingy and has given me all kinds of threats if I break up with him or even try to. I can’t even make friends or talk to my classmates or my current friends. I can’t even take part in any social events or any college events! My parents also hate him! But on the other hand my parents are no better!! They always take my sister’s side even when she’s in fault! I’m studying when I should be writing because of my parents! Please HELP!

Category: asked June 30, 2014

6 Answers

Well it's clear that you have to break up. The way your boyfriend treats you, doesn't show any sign of love. Continuing isn't really an option, since the relationship will never be the same again. There's just no love.Since he is sending you threats, I think you should gather some backup people before you break up. But if I understand you right, you don't have any friends available, and aren't able to get any. I don't know what kind of threats he's sending, but if they're lethal, a police call could help as a last means.At the moment I don't have clear what'll be the best way to break up. I will think of it. And I think it's useful if you could tell me/us more specific about his threats and the people around you.I'm available for chat too, just send me a pm if you wish to chat with me about it.
I agree with you and the other answers completely. You need to get out. Being in a relationship is fine but when it starts to change who you are and your personality its not worth it. He's suffocating you. Getting out of destructive relationships is hard and if you're not careful it could cause a lot of harm especially to you. What really scared me after reading this was you saying that he threatens you not to break up with him. Depending on the severity of these you're situation could be really serious and from experience I'm warning you now not to take it lightly.
Now as far as breaking up goes, you have a few options. The first that I personally wouldn't recommend is turning things around so instead of you being the "bad guy" and breaking up with him, he decides to be the one to break up with you. This does take time though and you could end up in an even worse predicament. However, for some people that don't particularly like the confrontation and burden of a break up, this could be easier. If you chose for this way, little by little you have to do things that make him not want to be with you. I'm not in anyway recommending this, it's just an option if you don't have any other way out and want to pick a way with the least amount of friction. If you change things little by little, start to irritate him, show that you have conflicting interest and are no longer compatible, there is a chance he will break up with you.
However, his threats and personality seem controlling and domineering and you really need to get away as soon as you can, taking your time might not be an option. Depending on what he's threatening you really should talk to someone. In my case I went to the school counselor. She didn't make a big deal about the issue and within 2 weeks everything was over and done with. Parents and friends weren't an option in my case and judging from what you said they aren't for you either. Now the next part is up to you to use your own judgement, but in my opinion, if his threats are really serious (and I'm not joking with any of these) posting nude pictures, threatening your life, your family or even rumors that could be detrimental, your best and safest option is the police. Depending on what country you live in there are also a number of other hotlines you can call as well.
I know it might sound extreme but please trust me in saying that its better to take care of it now because it will only get worse.
Personally, if it was me I'd ask myself do the threats outweigh getting my life back. Breaking up is never easy, if theres no way around making the break up easier unfortunately you may just have to go head on. Best of luck but if you need more detailed advice or anything I'm here to help :)
I tried breaking up with my boyfriend (now my ex) and he said he would kill himself if I did. When I told him I thought we should break up he started flipping out and telling me that he would kill himself. So I said "Don't do this. What kind of relationship would we have if we were only together because you threatened suicide? We wouldn't be together because we both wanted to be together, we would be together because I don't want you to hurt yourself. We wouldn't have a good relationship." Then other stuff happened and it was one of the hardest things I had to do because I knew he would react this way. If he is threatened to hurt you or someone you care about you could say basically what I said to my boyfriend just taking out the suicide part and changing it up to fit your situation. I hope I could help!
Thanks for the help guys!! :D
If appears that you may be discovering your self-esteem! Yay! Stand up and say what you need to say. Stay firm and passionless. Have 911 ready and the button just a click away. If he does anything even remotely scary, hit the button. The threats (even if they are threats to himself) should probably be reported. I would have a friend along as back up (as suggested by others). In addition, I would break up at a public place. Offer to take him out to lunch. Have your friend sit at another table and take care of your business. I highly advise against doing this at home.
Now for your issue with your parents. Are you an adult living with your parents or are you still a minor? If you are a minor, please learn to be respectful, but firm. If you can learn to keep your emotions out of the language it will help you greatly. Example: "Mom, I am trying to do my homework and really need to focus now, may I please help later?" = Good way to handle something. Bad Example: "Mom, you always pick my sister over me, why can't she handle her own work?" = Not such a good way to handle things. Unfortunately, for you it sounds like you have a few bad examples surrounding you. Stay true and strong and remember, cream rises to the top!