how to be sex positive?


I am twenty years old and have become sexually active within the last year With my serious boyfriend. I am from a Christian family and I can honestly say my mother did not raise me to believe sex of any sort was ok. My first knowledge of sex was when my parents got divorced when I was young because my mother cheated, and my mother forced me into counseling and told my counselor I was a freak in front of me when she read my Internet history and saw I was researching sex on the Internet because she and my father never talked to me about it and I didn’t feel safe asking her, but I wanted to know what this thing wad that had broken up my family.
I am still religious, but never believed I would wait till marriage because I dont really see myself getting married any time soon. I love my boyfriend, and I am glad my first time was with Him because he was patient and kind and never pushed me. I love him, and I think I might want to spend my life with him, but I still sometimes feel negative about sex. I am so afraid of pregnancy that I someone’s make myself sick,even though I am on birth control and we use condoms, and I’ve made great strides in feeling more comfortable with that, so I am motivated to fix this as well.
I am taking a psychology class on sex to try and fix my fear of sex, but I am constantly uncomfortable in that class. I have never really trusted men, I thought they were all dogs, but I don’t feel that way about my boyfriend and always feel comfortable and happy when we do have intercourse, but after my class and at random times during the day sometimes when I’m alone with my thoughts I feel like sex is something to be ashamed of and i feel anxious.
I think my anxiety comes from being from a family that treated sex as a taboo, and a disgusting thing, but I don’t know how to fix that.
how can I get over my fear of sex?
Does anyone have any advice or motivational stories they can share to help me with this? I don’t have many people in my life who I feel comfortable talking to about this.

Category: Tags: asked February 4, 2015

5 Answers

i dont really know. the first time i had sex was with a guy who silently pushed me to it. i was too young, and too in love to see that this relationship wasnt good for me. he kept using me like that for 8 months. now i have another partner. hes the best person ive ever talked to. sometimes when i think about some things that i did with my ex i feel uncomfortable, becuase they were bad experiences for me, and because of that i dont want to do those things with my partner. i want only good experiences with him. and i really think having sex with him can be a good experience! there are plenty of positions that probably would be comfortable for me. and even when i just think about him touching me i blush and feel all.. loved. and happy. i dont know what to tell you, i just thought id sharre this little story. i really dont know.. maybe you should watch some of laci greens youtube videos? her youtube channel is just her name: lacigreen. shes a real feminist, not an extremist and she really has her facts straight
I had a similar problem and the way I got past it was by openly talking about everything. Nothing was of limits discussion wise between me and my partner. We dismantled the fear by reassuring each other constantly and trying different things. Once we became completely comfortable with each other in the bedroom and he earned my trust I started to learn how to relax and enjoy it and the fear went away.
It sounds like from what you've said, your fear comes from it being a taboo in your family, then my advice is to take a sledgehammer to that Taboo and start having intimate conversations with your partner-to the point of discomfort and beyond. Be honest about your fears and ask him to reassure you, show you there is nothing to be fearful off with him. Best of luck!
I used to have the same problem. I was raised that sex before marriage was a sin and was taught very little about sex and reproduction before my school actually taught it. For the longest time I was really afraid of sex and I still get really paranoid about pregnancy, but I've gotten to be really comfortable with sex itself over the years. I would just give it time. I just had to reteach myself that sex was ok and I wasn't going to hell over it. Just enjoy it and don't let what other people have told you in the past ruin it for you.
I appreciate you sharing that story with me, I do not however believe my partner is my problem. I feel the warm fuzzy love feeling When I think of him, and its only when I think of sex by itself, and not in the context of my relations with my boyfriend do I feel bad.
don't do what does not feel right. Your mother's hangups are hers, and hers alone. Explore, read, talk but don't do anything on an intimate level without your own understanding of what is right for you, right now.