How should I feel and was I right?

I have been in a mentally and verbally abusive relationship for the past 5 years on and off since I was 12-17(current) with a boy I met online. The problems he went through in early childhood have caused him to act that way, that’s why I haven’t left him completely.. He has admitted to me during a video chat that he tried to emotionally damage me to the point I wouldn’t be with anyone else but him. He was crying and told me he knew I would never speak to him ever again after hearing that, but that I should know. Well I know what he said was the case with me and I figured that out a long time ago.. so here I am crying over what happened a few days ago..
June 1st- I left him, because he would not trust me and was trying to get me to confirm I was a virgin by getting my ex boyfriend to say it.
june 4th- He has a new relationship
june 6th- I went insane and just told him off
june 7th- I say i’m moving on and all that stuff on fb
june 8th= he texts me saying he cant be with anyone else and I tell him we needed to move on and how he ruined my plans of going out and being happy. THEN sends me pictures of his cuts and said “That’s for saying you and dylan” so of course I feel awful inside but I tell him how I feel and he says “be with me” so I say yes and we have a pleasant couple of HOURS till a friend of mine tells me he has another gf. I confront him about it and this is what happened..
Him: Who the **** told you that?
Him: Hello?
Him: Why am I getting ignored?
Then I told him off and told his other girlfriend what he just pulled off and THEN he has the nerve to texts me this..
Him: Leave me alone I wasn’t even with you
Him: Leave my relationship alone
me: LOL woww your such a liar. You were all like “be with me” and all that ****
Him: ? No
Him: Why would I be with you if I hate you?
Him: I don’t love you your disgusting lol
So I admit I was wrong for being like this BUT I said..
Me: Should I send her the screenshots of our convos from today?:)
Him: I can’t be happy can I? Right when I find someone you’re gonna ruin it. Look at how happy you were when I talked to you.. That’s all I wanted to do was make you happy while I was in a relationship so you wouldn’t hate me.
After all that nonsense he kept begging me to tell his gf it was all a lie and then blamed me saying I hurt everyone.. I can not find it in me to move on since every time I try he pulls me back in.. and he did make me feel bad for ruining his relationship.. Should I feel guilty or not..? how am I even supposed to feel..? he had the decency to say “I’ll take the blame for cheating on you but not her I cheated on you… Not her I was always with her I know it was wrong I’m sorry. Is that better?:(” and that killed me.. I barely can eat and sleep.. I was doing so fine before he came back..

Category: Dating & Relationships Tags: cheating emotional abuse ex boyfriend lying manipulating mental abuse online relationships asked June 10, 2015

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Angelica

4 Answers

1 accepted

Firstly, I'm sorry you endured his behavior for so long. Him sending you pictures of his cuts is one of the most emotionally abusive things he could have done...You have every right to be upset with him, and angry with him. He's lied and he's hurt you for too long. He told you flat out that he knew what he was doing, and he still continued doing it. He needs professional help, something you can't give him. You need to stop talking to him for good. Block him online; facebook, video chat, every social media platform that you have him on. Delete and block his number on your phone. Change your email. If he can't reach you, he can't pull you back in. Don't put aside the hurt he's caused you for his feelings. I know how much he's hurt you, my ex-boyfriend did it to me too, and I know that you think everyone is more important than you are, that your sense of self-worth is fucked up. But if he knows that he's hurting you, and admitted he did it on purpose (for the sole purpose of keeping you in his life), then he doesn't deserve you. You deserve a loving and healthy relationship, and maybe you won't find it right away or even for a little while, I don't know. But cut this guy out, and please start taking care of yourself. You've been through so much and you can't heal and grow from this if you keep the poison around. And please know none of this is your fault; feeling the need to go back to him, because he makes you feel guilty, and fucks with your head. It's not your fault it's hard for you to leave him, he's manipulated your ways of thinking. So please, cut him out of your life. You don't deserve any of this.

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Lauren

931

Stop. Right there. This right here, is an unhealthy, manipulative relationship. Right out of the book and the lifetime shows I watch. (what?) anyways, this is NOT your fault. A manipulative relationship is very dangerous and stressful for the, if you dont mind, victim. Your boyfriend is trying to keep you coming back by letting you go for a short amount of time to think you're finally moving on, and then comes back to make you feel bad so you'd feel pity and stay with him, regardless of what he's done. He even cut himself to make you feel bad. Boy, if I hadn't heard that one before. To him, it's all about keeping you around and making you feel like you just CANNOT leave him because you feel bad or don't want anything to happen to him.So, no, it's not your fault. It's his fault. You just want to move on and get away from him, but he's trying to hold you down just for him.You can inbox me anytime, hun. This isn't your fault, and you shouldn't feel bad.

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Ayana

Though I tell myself it's not my fault.. I feel like it is.. Moving on is the hardest part for me, because I don't want to be the reason for someone else hurting themselves.. thank you for your input and advice. It all really helps me to hear what others think..

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Angelica

I do try to delete him and block him and some times my brain tells me "what if something bad happens to him" and I quickly unblock him hoping nothing is my fault.. Though I have been through soo much pain I hate bringing pain to others and it makes it sooooo much harder to move on.. I did once recently for 2 years I felt so amazing and when he messaged me again it all came crashing down and he ruined everything for me.. so I fear ever loving anyone else again, because why would I when I know what might happen again..

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Angelica