How do you forgive your abuser after so many years?

1

I am a 20 year old woman.I was sexually abused by my uncle starting at age 3. You name it prostitution, rape, touching, beating he did to me. I finally got away at age 18. He was recently diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. And he has a few more weeks to live if he is lucky. He asked for my forgiveness a few days ago. But i just don’t know how to say it when I don’t believe it.

Category: Tags: asked July 18, 2013

6 Answers

2
accepted
hmm this is a toughy. I do feel that although this is one of those circumstances where he could be trying to clear his conscience before he dies, it's important to realize death changes people.

It must have given him much time to reflect on his wrong doing and his entire life as a whole, what it must have done to you, and how much he regrets it.. now that his life is coming to a halt.

As much as I do feel you should work toward finding it in your heart to forgive him, I don't think you should do that until you completely let out everything you feel about it, how its made you feel and has affected your life FIRST.

Granted it's not something a man wants to hear on his dying bed - to actually relive all of that, but if he is genuine in wanting your forgiveness, he will take all of what you have to say to him.

Though after all is said and done, I do feel you should try to forgive him to that respect and move on after sharing with him your thoughts. It will give you peace of mind knowing that he didn't leave without knowing what he did to you, but will also give him peace of mind knowing that you finally forgave him.

Think about it..

-Fark
2
don't say it.........the only thing you owe the joker is a swift kick in the nads, speed up his doom...
1
First off I'm so sorry that you went through that, that's just awful. I personally wouldn't ever forgive him, let alone ever want to see him again. But they always say it's easier to hate someone than forgive them. So if you find the strength to forgive him that would be so amazing and commendable. But it's completely up to you. I mean it didn't happen to you that long ago, so I would understand if you didn't forgive him, for the time being I think he deserves the guilty conscience he did awful things. Again, you don't need to say it for his sake, if you don't want to then don't. Don't feel guilty because he's going to die, you still had terrible things done to you by the hands of that guy. When he passes away though I'm sure a few years down the road you will be able to forgive him, save it for that, at least know that he tried when he was alive but you just weren't ready for it. Regardless don't feel bad if you aren't able to forgive him right now because it's your choice; and whatever one you make won't be a bad or wrong one. Best of luck, have a good one.
1
if you don't believe it you shouldn't. what he did is wrong! he needs to see that and he doesn't. by asking you to forgive him he does you wrong again because if he really understood then he would know that it's impossible to forgive him. if he understood he would not be able to forgive himself. he should be ashamed. you don't have to forgive him but it is important to to accept what happened so that you can go on with your life.
0
I would not hold to resentment to avoid hurting my life, but i would no give him the peace of mind he is looking for. He does not deserve it. Something is to forgive, other is to pay the consequences of our actions. At the end you will decide, do not feel bad if you do not forgive him.
-1
a person can not ask for forgiveness after doing something like that to you. i don't understand why you are still in contact with this person. if he truly did those terrible things to you, it should be clear what your answer should be. stay strong and if you feel in your heart what he did to you is wrong, you cant forgive him.