Depression is something that doesn’t just go away. It’s just.. there, and you deal with it. It’s like Malaria, or something. Maybe it won’t be cured, but you’ve got to take the medication you’re prescribed, and you stay out of situations that are going to trigger it.
But the thing is that if you relay solely on the medication to manage your depression or anxiety, for example. You’ve done nothing to the mind, so when you’ve finished with the medication, you’re just as vulnerable to relapse as though you had never taken medication.
So, this is my story, and I believe that until you’ve had depression you’re not qualified to speak about it. Luckily, I am, and hopefully you’ll listen. But, of course! Who the fuck am I? Well, I’m your ordinary teenager, 5ft6 ish, dark hair, green/hazel eyes, good family home.
Anyway, my name is Cai, or Vexzn. I’m Sixteen, and born on the tenth of may. But who cares right?! You just want me to get to the point, I know. But, seriously listen. Like most people I have hobbies, strange hobbies, but hobbies. I adore gaming, love design, and hate cleaning, but more importantly I suffer from the dreaded mental illness 1in3 people have, but people know little about, depression. Yep! I hate it. This is by no means a shout for help, a sympathy vote or anything along those lines, this is recovery, and how I deal with it.
But do you know what depression really is, and the true meaning!? I doubt it. I will go through thoughts of suicide everyday, all the little comments made in school or society or even online will run through my head at night when I’m trying to shut off for the night making it almost impossible, and this all resulted in three hours sleep a night.
But, from when I’m writing this another month has passed, and after around two months of battling, my sleeping pattern now allowed me to range from 5-7 hours sleep a night. Which still isn’t normal, but enough.
When this all first started I felt as if I was suffocating everything
seemed much worse than it really was because when my depression physical as well. My head felt like it was a thousand pounds, I’d constantly get headaches.
I‘d think I was the most horrible person in the world, and my therapist would ask me what have I ever done that would make me think that..I sat there blank..I had no idea! But the feelings were real and very scary.
But, do you know what is the worst thing about feeling like this? Family, I constantly get down because it’s not just me this all effects, but my family, and people I live with. – knowing that I was hurting someone always brought me down. But after reading on the internet, I realized, I am not alone and these feelings are very real, and incredibly scary. But, there is help out there, It’s limited but there is help.
Ultimately, would you be in a relationship with someone who has this? What are your thought? I wrote this last year, and I have improved, but my views are still the same.