How do you ask for help?

1

I’ve been feeling like I need to see, well, someone for a long time now, and things are just getting worse. I can’t concentrate, and now I’m also finding things in places where I can’t for the life of me remember putting there. Like I’ll have moved something upstairs, and then I won’t be able to find it & it’ll be in the basement, although I swear I didn’t go back down that day. And this isn’t an isolated incident.

I’ve always kind of talked to myself, and definitely in more of a smeagol/gollum way than in a making mental notes way. I explain it as splitting each of my traits apart so each side of me can view an issue, but now I catch myself referring to this as ‘we’ or ‘us’ and then we start arguing.

Worse yet, I keep getting the overwhelming urge to kill. I don’t have a hit list like you often hear about with shooters & stuff, but I have a safe list of people who I would never harm. But there are times when I just want to hurt people (never animals). And my hallucinations typically encourage that (although they insist I cannot kill myself, even if it would save others)

In any case, I’ve been telling myself this is all normal, but is really don’t buy it anymore. I know I need help, but not all of me (us?) wants it. I can’t function properly, though, so the part of me that does want help is getting more desperate.

But I don’t know how to ask my parents if I can see someone. I always, on impulse, lie when they ask if I’m okay, so they have no idea anything is wrong & I don’t know how to bring it up.

Category: asked February 17, 2015

2 Answers

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Have you looked into Multiple Personality Disorder?
I'm in no way qualified to diagnose you but you sound like you have a lot of the symptoms associated with it. I'd strongly advise you to speak with a counselor or a therapist about what you've been dealing with, they'll be able to decide which course of action is best for you to take. Talk to your parents, be honest and open, say you want to talk to someone about it. I don't know what your parents are like but I'm assuming they would be understanding about it because they care about you. You don't have to discuss that you are having violent ideas, you can talk about that with your counselor/therapist, and they are obligated to not tell anyone about it unless you directly implicate you want to hurt yourself or someone else.
Especially because this is impairing your regular function, it would be a really good idea to try and reach out, alright? You'll be fine, and for now it really sucks but you have to understand how great it will be to get it out of your head, to talk to someone else about it. It's a lot for one person to handle, and you certainly don't have to deal with it alone. You're welcome to message me whenever you like, if you want to talk more about this, or vent. Hoping you gain clarity soon, my friend. Positive vibes coming your way.
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Asking your parents for help is one of the hardest things to do. I think that the best way to let in the idea of you attending a therapist or something of the sort is by talking to your mother (or father, whichever you feel closest to) and giving her small hints that you're not feeling well mentally. And then one day just breakdown and tell her you really need to see a therapist. Seeing a doctor is not an embarrassing thing to do and in fact it has helped me immensely. Just try and tell your mom or dad that you think it would be beneficial if you see a therapist. I am certain that they would be up to the idea seeing that they care about you.