how do i teach him a lesson?

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i just realized my boyfriend is being a jerk and i broke up with him. but those memories where he used me, abused me and took me for granted, makes me feel so furious. now that i broke up with him, he is calling me up everyday to get back with him but it doesn’t look like he has changed. he just wants me. and i don’t want him to treat any other girl this way. so is there a way to teach him that the way he treated me is wrong?? i really want that jerk to know how much he hurt me. he used to abuse me emotionally.

Category: asked February 7, 2014

8 Answers

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accepted
Hey Doc,

Good to hear that you've realized he's not the right person for you, or for anyone else at this time.

It's very understandable that you want to get back at him for what he did to you, but the biggest revenge would be to completely stop all kinds of contact and not lower yourself to his level and state of mind.

Think about it: Would you feel yourself better if you had to get back at him using the same kind of practices he used on you? The best way to make sure he doesn't hurt the people around you is telling everyone about him and the way he acted with you. There's no need to attack him personally in any way what so ever, because he's not a person that even deserves that kind (or any kind for that matter) of attention from you.

Whenever i'm hurt by someone, i try to be the bigger person. I know or feel that they're wrong and there's no need to try and counter it. If they display this kind of behavior time and time again, it makes it much easier to handle to just realize that you're smarter and stabler for just letting it go over your head and go on with your life without them having any influence over your happiness. People who need to abuse others are weak, and they're not worth any of your time.

We all deserve to be loved and to be able to love others back unconditionally, but not if they don't deserve it. Don't waste your time on him personally. Warn your social circles or other girls that he approached and tell them about him. Making him feel powerless will be his biggest defeat.

Feel free to pm if there's anything else you'd like to talk about. Good luck and have faith!
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Hi, there isn't much you can do apart from keeping a healthy distance. People can control the way they would respond to a positive or negative reaction, so nothing guarantees that anything you try to do would affect him. Since it's all over now just do your best to heal and go on in life. Don't worry about other ladies...it's hard to tell anyone else what to do with their relationships when they like or love someone very much. From my experience some people don't understand how much they've hurt you till they get hurt the same way by someone they value a lot and even then, they don't easily remember the times they did the same. In some instances people do remember and feel remorse about hurting someone in the past. Whatever the case the best thing to do is allow yourself to heal. I believe for you to have broke up with him he already knows he has hurt you. No one breaks up without a reason.
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The best thing you can do is to focus on your own life and happiness. He is just a jerk that you shouldn't waste your time on now that you're free from him. The best lesson he can get is to see you happier without him, I guess. :) Leave him behind and be proud that you managed to get away from such a bad relationship.
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Don't let him see you weak! Show him you're sooo over his ass! Girl power :) I'm so happy for you for leaving him, the only way is up now. Keep doing your thing and take some time out to heal and get stronger from this. Good luck :)
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Leaving him behind and and having a nice life sounds like a good revenge, the only realistic one. Your anger is still keeping you with him, you will never get satisfaction. Pour your rage in a letter and then burn it, and try to let go of whatever you think revenge would give you, and move on. It doesn't matter anymore, except to help you noticing immediately the same red flags in your future relationships.
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Well you could simply tell him how he made you feel unless you already tried that. That's the best you can do though. You can't really make someone see how they hurt you unless they are willing to be an honorable person and empathize with you. I think the best thing you can do to hit home how much he hurt you would be to tell him and then just place a boundary there by cutting contact with him. I think he'll get the message. You can do this however you want. If you don't want to give him the chance to interrupt you or hurt you more you can just do it in an email and then cut him off. It doesn't have to be mean, just honest. Just be honest. When you are right, there's no need to be mean or angry anyway. "This is how you made me feel. I wish it wasn't the case but I wanted you to know so you don't wind up making the same mistakes in the future etc." You have no control over how he chooses to behave in the future with other girls. That is his choice to make and the girls' choice to either accept or hit the road as you did if he continues to be abusive. But you can try to influence him in that way. Sooner or later hopefully he will learn how to be a better person. We all have lessons to learn in this life. The other thing you should do is after that is all said and done, just forgive him. He made a major mistake. Acknowledge how much he hurt you and then let it go as someone else said.
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It's great you realised what he was and that he wasn't right for you. As for revenge, I'd just let it go and keep a good distance away from him. You're better off without the person in your life, and I doubt anything you'd do would change how he is towards another person. The best type of revenge is to move on, show him you're happier without him and that you do not need him. You're a strong person, never forget that.
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Cut him from your life completely, the silent treatment should do the trick.