How do I stop being under-confident with my looks?
All my friends are really pretty, dress nice, smart, and athletic. I feel kind of left out and a little left out when i’m with them. I don’t like dressing like them as I already know its not my personality, but I can’t help it. Once a teacher even told me when they met me I looked threatening! What should I do?
Look at yourself in the mirror every morning. Focus on something you love about yourself. Something that you think is the most beautiful thing ever. Then tell yourself "I'm awesome. I'm beautiful. I'm smart. I'm funny. I make the world a better place and no one can tell me otherwise!" Confidence is powerful. Tell yourself you rock. It helps so much.
I struggle with this every day, and sometimes it's not the easiest thing to follow the advice you get, but you have to try! Reassuring yourself by focusing on the positive aspects of the way that you look is important, and knowing that your personality shines through every pore of your skin is another thing to keep in mind. If you're kind to people, genuine, and overall content with yourself and your place in the world, it's going to show. And the people you want to attract are going to be drawn to that. Some people suggest to fake it til you make it, I had a friend who used to picture herself as Angelina Jolie when she walked.Another thing I like to think about is your place in the bigger picture. Everyone has a different perspective, which means that every person that looks at you and your friends is going to see something different. Say you've got 1000 people, all looking at you and your friends. Say maybe half of them are going to be more attracted to your friends, for whatever reasons (athleticism, the way they look, the way they act--I'm definitely not just talking about physical appearance when I use the word "attracted" here) and half of them are going to be attracted to you. Now you've got 500 people attracted to you. How many of them are you going to be attracted to? Say half. That would leave you with 250 people who like you, that you like.I may be rambling, but it's interesting to think about. You should never put yourself down, because you can't please everyone. The pieces will fall where they may, everyone has their place (:
I think you should try exercising. And I am not calling you fat or ugly!!! But exercise gives you such a good feeling and it boosts up confidence. I run a mile every morning when I wake up and that's it. Then I do yoga once a week. It's the tiniest amount of exercise but it makes me feel as if I'm doing something good for my body. I'm helping it BE healthy and absolutely nothing is more beautiful than a healthy person. Take yoga if you can and you'll feel so emotionally well-rested. Do something that is for the benefit of you. Good luck!
Firstly, don't tie your value to your physical appearance. In this world, we so often label beautiful as good and ugly as bad, but these are external states. There are ugly people in this world. Pretending they aren't ugly is not going to help anyone. If you don't want to focus on your appearance, focus on something else. The only reason people are supposed to look good is to find a mate, and there are seven billion people in this world; procreating isn't necessary. I know this probably isn't very uplifting, but I do think it's very true.Why do people always assume that ugly is such a bad thing? Why can't it exist? Why do we place such a huge value on looking good? If you were the ugliest person in the world, it wouldn't matter, and there probably wouldn't be much you could do to change it. Ugly or pretty, it doesn't matter. Find value inside yourself.
As someone who has struggled with their for almost their whole life, I've come to the realization that you don't. I spent all of high school and my first semester of college trying to figure out how to be more confident and love me and all that stuff. But then I finally realized it doesn't matter. I'm ugly as hell and I know I'm ugly as hell. But that doesn't matter. all of the people I spent my whole teenage years wanting to look like are all horrible people. I would rather be ugly as hell and a good and intelligent person than extremely attractive and a complete bitch.
I do know that coming to this state of mind is really difficult, and I doubt I could have come to it before now. I think it just came with age and experience. One thing you can do though is even if you hate yourself, start treating yourself better. That is definitely one thing that helped. I absolutely despised myself, but once I started eating well and exercising, I started feeling slightly better gradually. This has aso let me dress the way I want. I was an EXTREME tomboy when I was younger, but I started dressing more and more "girly" as I got older because I wanted to fit in with other people and I wanted boys to like me. Once I realized that that wasn't going to help, I stopped giving a shit about the way I dress. I dress how I want. Sometimes I'll wear a dress and sometimes I'll wear a hoodie. I don't dress for other people anymore, I dress for me. That is another thing that helps with the "confidence."
I'll even tell you something I realized after graduating high school: the older I got, the more weight I lost, and the more "girly" I dressed, the less friends I had and the less people liked me. My freshman year when I was still fat and wearing baggy clothes, and guy liked me (granted he was weird and eventually got kicked out for drinking on campus, but still haha). Senior year I was 30 pounds lighter and wearing actual nice clothes sometimes I had no friends and when I told guys I liked them or tried to ask them out or whatever, they got freaked out and never spoke to me again. Just be yourself, don't give a shit what others think, and everything will eventually fall into place.