Just like Eulen Frost said, you are you, and that is the best person to be. If you try to please everyone, you're going to end up trying for a very, very long time, and end up dissatisfied. Brooke, you could be the sweetest, most delicious peach in the world, and there will still be people who hate peaches.
A word of advice? Instead of hurting yourself and changing yourself for other people who can't accept you for who you are, find people who can. You can't control your anxiety. Happiness is not a choice. You did not wake up one day and say, "hmm, I guess I'll have extreme anxiety that affects my whole life and drains my self esteem." You did not voluntarily flip a switch in your brain to make your life miserable. Anxiety, like all other mental illnesses, is a legitimate ILLNESS. Your brain is unwell; you cannot control anxiety any more than you can fix a broken bone or get rid of an ulcer out of nothing more than sheer will.
Say it over and over again until you believe it 100%: "My anxiety is not my fault".
You can't change yourself, and your friends and family shouldn't be asking you to. Real friends and family are there to support you and make life easier. They're supposed to be your comrades, your lifeboats when you're drowning in all your insecurities, your anxiety, your struggles in life. They are not supposed to make your life harder. They are not supposed to make you feel isolated and exhausted. And most definitely, they are not supposed to hate or even dislike you.
You'll hear people say "No one can love you until you love yourself." This, Brooke, is complete bullshit. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you don’t deserve love from other people because you struggle with loving yourself. You deserve to be loved.
You are not the problem in this situation. It is the fact that your friends and family are not doing as they should and supporting you through these tough times. If they're not going to educate themselves about anxiety, if they're not going to take the time to make sure you feel safe and loved, then I'm sorry, but you need to find new people. You need people who will love you no matter what. People who will understand that your anxiety is not, has never been, and never will be your fault. People like many of us on BlahTherapy, or in anxiety support groups, even just random strangers on the internet.
You can't control your anxiety, and your friends and family shouldn't expect you to. You deserve happiness, but changing yourself and forcing yourself into anxiety-inducing situations just to get people to like is not going to work. It's just going to make everything worse. Yes, it's good to get rid of your anxiety (and therapy is the best way to do so), but you shouldn't do it just to get other people to like you. People shouldn't expect everyone to fit into nice, neat little boxes that they can stack and categorize easily, and they especially shouldn't get mad at you when you are literally unable to.
Get some better friends. You're worth it. You are now, and you always have been worth it. Find people with shared interests, who feel passionate about some of the same things you do, but most importantly, find people who won't tell you that your anxiety can be fixed with a good attitude and the contents of a first aid kit.
