I feel empty all the time, and I cannot make myself feel “strong” emotions. I know I’m a horrible person- when people say they love me or miss me, I feel like I’ll be lying if I say “me too,” but I do anyway because I don’t want to be a terrible person.
I recently heard that if one goes through enough emotional turmoil, one can “turn off” or “numb” emotions. I feel like this happened to me because I had a horrible family life, and we never were free to express emotions- even love. In fact, we were discouraged to- and not just my immediate family… my grandma, my cousins, aunts, uncles- they were all so awkward about giving/receiving hugs and saying “I love you”. My dad never hugs, and nobody in my family ever says “I love you”.
I want to be able to say “I love you” without feeling weird, or uncomfortable, or awkward. I want to be able to miss my friends, and say so without lying. How do I have these kinds of emotions? Is it even possible to un-numb myself?