How do I restrain myself…

So October 1st I signed a lease with my girlfriend of 2 years and two of my good friends. The relationship with my gf was rocky but we were working on things, or so I thought, a week later she told me she was leaving me. No real reason or anything, just she wasn’t happy anymore and didn’t want to drag it out. She ended up moving out to her friends place after still staying at the same house and packing for a week. That week was really hard but now it’s over and she’s gone and I am trying to keep my head and deal with things as best I can.

Now the real problem is with my one “friend”… A few months ago his gf left him and he was a wreck. My girlfriend, being the caring sweet woman she is, helped him out was a great friend and shoulder to cry on for him and helped him deal with things. Well now that she’s left me he is always hanging out with her and he even spends the night there sometimes. He claims there is nothing going on between them and they are just friends and that she helped him now he’s helping her and he’s not going to abandon her. I’ve told him it bothers me that they spend so much time together. I still love her and I want her back and I can’t shake the idea that he is really messing everything up and may have even played a part in why she left me, even if unintentional.

What do I do? On one hand I want to believe him that nothing is going on, But on the other hand I want to beat the shit out of him for getting between us and now spending so much time with her… I can’t kick him out because we just signed a one year lease and me and my other roommate wouldn’t be able to afford it but how can I deal with this if I have to look at him every day and know that he might be the one responsible for ruining my life?…

Category: Dating & Relationships asked October 24, 2013

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TE0991

5 Answers

He is not responsible for "ruining your life". Your girlfriend left you because of you, not because your friend got between you two. You have to accept a fact its over. In the end, it doesn't matter if your gf and your friend have something going on. Work on yourself and get back on track.

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nkz

202

^ What nkz said. Relationships have problems and sometimes things don't work out. You can't spend your life wasting every waking moment pining after someone that clearly doesn't want you right now. Maybe after some time passes things will be different, but right now you need to focus on you and not worry about your friend and your ex. You need to develop an "I don't care" attitude and mean it. Focus on work or school, get a hobby. Going for a hike or going fishing is a great way to kill time and get out of the house. If it's really bothering you that much then make yourself scarce. Most importantly: STOP KEEPING TABS ON YOUR FRIEND AND YOUR EX. The less you know about what's going on, the less you will be torturing yourself.

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JoJo

1,147

It is not healthy to obsess over your ex like this. I know it's hard, but what she does and what he does is their business. She is no longer your girlfriend, therefore you have no control over her choices. If she wants to be with your friend, and she's consenting to whatever is going on between them, you can't do anything about.
You can however, ask your friend to not speak about his time spent with your ex, and you can ask that he respect your wishes about not wanting to hear/know that he's with your ex.
They're adults, they can make their own choices and decisions.
If it bothers you that much, find someone to move in in his place so that you can all still afford the lease.
You're fragile and vulnerable right now so take time to heal yourself and mend yourself. Do things that make you happy, that you've been meaning to do, etc.

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Lauren

931

I do not agree that any of this is particularly YOUR FAULT because it takes two to be in, and end an unsuccessful relationship. It's both of your fault lol. But for whatever reason one of you was not on the same page and made a decision. I do agree that you should try to move on because they are two adults and while it's not the fairest or most sensitive thing they can do, it's up to them what they do and is out of your control unless she decides to come back. That is up to her. What you do have control over is how you handle the friendships. If it's causing problems perhaps communicating your concerns about their lack of concern for your feelings would put the issues in the open to discuss. I wouldn't fight about it. I might just be honest and see what happens. You may need to be prepared for any possible outcome.

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Pinocchio

The way she left just left so many unanswered questions. She just said she wasn't happy anymore and that it's nothing I did or nothing I can fix. But I still can't shake the feeling that it is my fault. But for him to come in and put himself between us when we were trying to work on things is a douchebag move. And I know I can't stop her from seeing other people. It sucks but that's reality. But for my friend to try and be with her is just fucked up. That's guy code 101 you do not go for your buddy's ex... especially when she just moved out all of her stuff not even a week ago!

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TE0991