Its difficult to explain but there’s no talking to her. I always thought of her as a lovely person, but in the last couple of years she has become friends with this woman who I can only describe as a nasty, racist bully. This woman has tried to start a fight with me at my grandmothers birthday and when I tried to talk to my mother about it was told it was obviously my fault. My mother has started taking on her characteristics and has become very selfish to the point where she has ripped the family apart, my younger sister moved out years ago and now i’m moving as far away as possible because I don’t want to end up hating her but I feel like I’m losing my mind. I feel like I’ve become the parent and she’s the child because of trying to constantly deal with her tantrums if things don’t go her way, I’m just exhausted from it all. I’ve tried talking to her, I’ve reasoned, argued and pleaded and its just no use at all! just need advice??
Wow, that's a hard one to give advice to. Maybe it would be a good thing to get away from her for a little while, try to calm down before you begin to talk to her. If she doesn't want to listen maybe you need to tell her that she is ripping the family apart, and give your sister's moving away as an example. Tell her that she needs to find a better friend in her life because she's bringing her down. Hopefully she will be convicted enough to actually listen.
When you feel like you are acting as an adult, responsible for her, stop yourself and remember you both are adults, she is the one who has the responsibility for herself, and try to go back concentrating on living your life. Reflect on what is going to happen if you don't meddle in her life and companies, if it's really that bad of a scenario, and how, as much as you can, you are not the one who has the power to avoid it, but her.
As hard as it may be; put yourself first! Your mum is an adult and responsible for her actions and relationships. You don't want to get to a point in your life where you feel you have missed out on things you could have done instead of trying to play parent to your mum. And hopefully your mum will realise what she has lost and things will sort it's self out.
Thanks guys, it's actual even a relief to hear that it's a difficult situation to figure out from other perspectives. I've tried appealing to her as a daughter who at times has needed her, especially for my sisters sake, she has just started college and she would like the support but honestly my mother doesn't care. She has put going out and shopping above us more than I can count and I'm just ready to give up its just too difficult. At the very least I hope my sister knows I'm there for her. Oh well, thanks for the help