How do I get over this fear?

2

I want to be able to talk to people without being… awkward. I want to be able to talk to someone and have a good conversation. But the thing that really holds me back from trying is .. my fear of people(?). I just suddenly started to be scared of people because i feel like they all just talk behind my back and they all hate me and then i start to think ” they dont wanna talk to me ” ” Im boring ” ” oh well ” and then i just start isolating myself… How do i change my view on people ? I mean i understand everyone should have their own opinions on other people but i feel like the last thing anyone would want to do is talk to me. What should i do?

Category: Tags: asked July 6, 2014

8 Answers

1
First things first is to make yourself believe that you are good enough, You have low self esteem in yourself,you should try and let yourself understand that anybody would be lucky to have you as a friend. Stop caring about what others think because if you carry on like that,you will never succeed or do anything in life,you need to stand up for yourself and put all the negative thoughts away. There will always be some people that will put you down ,but you show them that you are a fantastic person and you can do anything if you put your mind to it. And lastly awkwardness will go away eventually,just keep trying and let the conversation flow.Good Luck:)
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Contrary to your belief, your trouble is not that you are afraid of talking to people. You are afraid that people don't like you and are talking badly about you, even then because you have a low opinion of yourself; you think you're not interesting, so you have no faith that anything you say will make people like you, so your mind jumps to the conclusion: you believe you suck, so therefore it must follow that people talk badly about you, making you afraid of them. It is actually circular logic.

In circumstances where you find yourself trapped in circular logic, the logical step is to look for the solution, because circular problems only point at problems and negative reactions, never solutions. A visual representation of circular logic is "If, If, If.", when the visual representation of conflict resolution is "If, Then."

Don't focus on the problem. Focus on the solution. You have a problem with low self-esteem. Figure out why that is and do something about it and you will have less of a problem communicating with other people. Most problems begin with the self.

If you have any further questions, my inbox is always open.
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well there are a few different ways you can deal with it. The easiest is to simply try not to give a damn. (you will probably get a lot of people telling you to do that here) after that there are a few other things to keep in mind. The first being that is people do not want your opinion they tend to make it obvious during the conversation. also remember not all people are the same. Some people might talk behind your back but they are called "assholes" and are not taken seriously . If you want to know for sure if somebody is interested in the conversation here are few things to keep in mind if they are looking at you during the conversation they are interested, if they respond to you without you having to push they want to talk. And most importantly if they start the conversation they definitely want to talk to you otherwise why would they bother?
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Sounds like some symptoms of social anxiety, which I've dealt with quite a bit! It always made me paranoid what people thought or would say about how i looked,sounded,acted,etc. Constantly asking "if" keeps you paranoid and too caught up in your head. For me, it had so so much to do with my self esteem, because I always thought other people thought about me what I was thinking about me, which isn't the reality. Just try and keep that in mind!
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The main reason why you think THEY think that way about YOU, is because this is the way YOU think about YOU. Or can you read minds? I don't think so :) When you worry about what other people think of you, is like worrying about the drought in the Sahara desert. It's out of your ''influence ring''. People will make their own opinion of you, and it probably isn't anything close to the opinion you have about yourself. I know, not having control over this sucks, especially if you really want someone to like you haha :D If you isolate yourself and walk away from these scary situations, they will have a tighter grip on you as you progress in life! So it is very important you don't let yourself off the hook for this! I want to ask you to be brave for me. I want you to try to talk to someone like it's a family member. Like your brother or sister, parent etc. try to take the feeling of safety you have when you talk to your sibling of parent, to a person you don't really know. I recognize your problem though. I had this too for maaaaaaaany years :) I couldn't even order drinks from a bar, because i'd think that the barman would find me an idiot or something. Now i am not afraid of their opinions anymore. I am just curious about what other people's thoughts are ! I hope the trick I gave you will help you as much as it helped me !
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Sounds like you may have social anxiety, you should probably try talking to a professional who can be their for you through your progress. If you want, message me I would like to try to help but it'll probably take some time.
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I wanna tell you a simple thing... fears are not made by other people or made by things or animals, to me, fears are created by ourselves, it is because it is up to us to fear something, it is up to us to scream, to cry or be worried, it is not to be dictated by others, maybe they brought you to fear, but it is you who became scared of it, I mean like you have a choice to be brave... With this, to overcome your fear is to eliminate this fear from yourself, this can not be solved by others, maybe people would be an aid to it, but you yourself would take the credit... Well, how do you eliminate your fear from your self, fight it, kill it and later on, leave behind, soon it will all just be in the past, well, again, it is up to you to be brave enough and face your fear.Well, here is a suggestion on how you eliminate, this may be slow, but I am confident it will work... First is "Birds with the same feather, flocks together"... in a more detailed explanation, talk to people with same case as you, since you can tell them, what you feel, after all, they also feel what you feel, I mean like you can relate with one another... this is a wise thing to do, since it is not just you who you are helping, but also that person... it may be slow, but soon you will realize, you have opened up most of your problems and life, well, it is possible and also be confident to open them up to those people, since they understand you too. The person doesn't really need to be exactly on same shoes as you, but maybe those with problems about socializing... after those things, try talking to people with low profiles, do the same things, I mean, talk to people with same interest as you so that you can get along, well to those who doesn't have same interest a you, find a way that you will be able to talk to them, like if they have a problem, help them... after that, you will talk to people who are on a high level, those who are known, etc... well, that would be the hardest, but I wanna tell you... Don't freaking care about what they say about you, just ask your self, so what if they say such thing behind your back, the important thing is you know what you are and who you are, and you must let other people see who you really are... it is better for people to talk on your back than not knowing what you are. but don't forget those friends you have created in the beginning, they were aids, they were able to help you... if ever you overcome this fear, well, again, it is up to you to eliminate it... there are many ways, but this is what I think...
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Thanks so much guys (; I will take all of your guys's advice ! Thanks so much !!!!


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