How do I get over people abandoning me in depression.

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So someone had a similar question before this, but I went through the same thing recently and it’s been hurting me badly in addition to my depression and other issues. I had a friend of over 6 years, who I acknowledged as someone very important in my life. She knew about my problems and was initially helping me through it by giving advice and suggestions. Sometimes it didn’t make sense for my life but I listened never the less. But it got to a point where she felt I wasn’t trying hard enough (I am doing my best) and that I choose this and like being this way…she said I’m stuck in a ‘self pitying’ victim mentality, and that I am selfish, self absorbed in my pain and lazy, have no courage to change my life and make excuses to be this way. This really triggered me. We stopped talking and she went ahead and told our mutual friend bad stuff about me, who isn’t talking to me either. Should I try to fix things with the other people, who didn’t even give me a chance to explain? I feel even more suicidal these days and like I’m a burden to everyone around me. Also do you think any of what my friend said was true? Yeah, depression causes you to feel sad for yourself, but I’m far from lazy, cowardly and attention seeking. Only I know how much I fight to stay alive every day when I’ve thought about ending it so many times.

Tags: asked March 12, 2019

4 Answers

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accepted
I just want to give some advice for the future. Try to never fully rely on a friend. You can talk, you can vent, etc but don't 100% rely on them. Because instead of a friend, they become your therapist in a way, and that can also damage their mental health. My advice is to always find a therapist, or even come here to vent. ^^
2
My first thought is that any friend who abandons you during a rough time is no friend at all. Neither are the so-called friends who take the other person’s word and drop you, instead of reaching out to you first. My second thought is that 6+ years is a long time to be friends with someone, and the connection and knowledge you shared with each other must’ve been intense. Unfortunately, not a lot of people are capable of understanding the depths of mental illness, or are they capable of always taking on the “weight” of being needed, even after knowing the person for over half a decade. This is, by no means, your fault. Depression is not at all a decision or a choice. You being depressed and needing a friend does not make you selfish or unwilling to change. The fact is that your friend couldn’t fit in your shoes, so they assumed what they wanted to; they lacked the understanding that depression can be a severe struggle that drains a person’s energy. You try your hardest, but if that doesn’t help you improve, they don’t believe you’re doing all that you can. And that’s the main issue with assuming things and remaining ignorant on the situation. So no, what she said is not true, whatsoever. As for trying to reach out to your other friends, well, that’s completely up to you. Personally, I wouldn’t bother. Returning to my previous statement, they believed her over coming to you first about it. Would it be worth a shot, trying to explain your side? It could be, if you at least keep your mind open to the possibility that they won’t change their views. That’s the risk you would be taking, unfortunately. But sometimes a second side is all one needs to better understand what’s going on, regardless if they chose not to reach out to you in the first place. In the end, I wish you the best of luck. I’ve been in your place, and sadly, not a lot of people are willing to open their eyes to the realism of mental illness. But there are still plenty of people out there who are willing and do already have their eyes open. Those are the type of people you deserve in your life, and I hope you meet them sooner rather than later. Either way, you’ll find true friends who will stick with you through thick and thin.
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Thanks a lot for understanding and for giving me this elaborate response! It helped a lot. And yes, most people don't understand or empathize with the deep struggles that come with depression, and I hope and pray, it changes with time. Thanks again.
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You’re very welcome, @curiouscat77! I’m glad to have helped. If you ever need anything else at all, don’t be afraid to reach out. :) I’m always here.