How do I get over my gay best friend?

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kay. So I have a boyfriend I have been with for over 6 years. I love him deeply. I know he is my soulmate. But I’ve started to become…attached(?) to my best guy friend. I’m terrified I’m falling in love with him. But I still definitely love my boyfriend. My guy friend is also gay. I’ve tried everything to get over my feelings for him. I don’t know what to do. I want to stay with my boyfriend, and I can’t have my friend anyways. Do I tell him to get it off my chest? Or would I lose him as a friend? I really need help. I’m so confused, and feel so hurt by everything. And I know I will hurt my boyfriend, and possibly my friend, if I say anything. :( How do I make the feelings stop for my friend without not talking to him for a long period of time? I can’t do that. And it would hurt him, especially if he didn’t even know the reason.

Category: Tags: asked December 16, 2014

2 Answers

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Telling your friend how you feel won't do anyone involved any good. It could make things awkward for him and you'll likely feel guilt toward your boyfriend for even saying it out loud. You should look into why you've started feeling the way you do about your friend. Does the serious nature of your relationship scare you? Do you see something in him that you find lacking in your relationship? It's hard to say how you can make your self stop feeling that way. All I can suggest is that you really accept the fact that your friend is gay and being with him is not a possibility. I can understand not wanting to hurt your friend but ultimately you need to worry about what's hurting you. If you can't handle being friends with him because of your feelings, and these feelings don't go away, you just might have to end the friendship with him. In which case, it would be fair to explain to him why you can't be friends. It does seem like an issue with your relationship might have sparked these feelings. You should start by looking into that and being really honest with yourself.
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I can tell you that a lot of this did not start until my friend moved away. So now I constantly have to miss him. When I'm facetiming him, or visiting him, the feelings calm down a lot. I don't know what to do.