how do I get my fiance to change his mind about allowing my friends to attend our wedding?

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About 5 years ago we were in the midst of a break up but I had posted something on FB and he responded. I had asked a few of my gf’s to chime in when they did the convo got heated. Threats were made, one of them said something about his son. He isn’t willing to forgive or forget. However, my friends only did it because they were coming to my defense and they fight dirty. These are people that love me and have my back no matter what. No one thought we would get back together but here we are. He’s adamant about 2 of them not coming but I feel like we should forgive and at least allow them to witness their friends’s nuptials. *I know talking about a kid is low but it was a verbal war going on*
What do I do?

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AC03

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3 Answers

Last time I checked he's not getting married to himself. If he's not willing to compromise to make you happy, I honestly don't think you should marry someone like that. The fact that your friends wanna watch you walk down the isle with him, after I'm sure he said some things to them as well, and he's not gunna give them another chance is kind of bullshit honestly. It's not like you're asking him if they can move in. It's one day that's supposed to be special for both of you, yanno?

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whatthefuck

271

Just because you get married to him does not mean that you can't stop being friends with your friends! it sounds like your girlfriends are more supportive for you and i would be hurt if my fiance did not want my friends there. They are your friends! They should share that moment with you. Have your friends apologized to your fiance about the fight that happened 5 years ago?! Maybe he would get over it if an apology was made? Either way, he should not dictate who can and cannot come to the wedding. You're getting married, you love each other and you both will deal with people that you cannot tolerate. It shouldn't matter if someone he doesn't like at the wedding is there, he should only be worried about you and his son. There's a possibility he could be upset with you too because of what you posted and that the argument had to go that far. Either way, I don't think he should dictate who cannot come to the wedding just because he doesn't like someone. That's a bit selfish since it's an important day for both of you that should be enjoyed.

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Blackhawks19

115

Have you tried empathizing with him?

You want your friends to be at the wedding, and he doesn't.

The bottom line is that you both have valid reasons for what you want.

You're not just talking about a wedding, you're talking about a marriage.
And truth be told, if your marriage is going to last, you'll both need to practice the (sometimes difficult) skill of empathizing and validating one another's feelings and viewpoints.

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Avery Cabret

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