I need help on how to understand myself of what happened. In May this year my boyfriend of two years died of a drug overdose. He was the only guy I could see myself with even when we broke up and I hooked up with other men. I knew one day we were going to get married and live such a fun life and I would help him stop doing drugs whenever he was out with his friends. The thing is he wasn’t the best guy a girl would ask for because sometimes when he was really drunk, we would argue and he hit me. That happened twice when we had dated for about 8 months but never after that so it was okay. When he died I became so depressed, I balled my eyes out whenever someone would he say “hey, how are you?” but after a couple weeks I felt as if I should stop doing that because a friend of mine told everyone I was being a fake and trying to look for attention because she had never met my boyfriend. After that I thought everyone felt that way so I stopped crying and showing any emotion whatsoever and I’ve even hooked up with a couple guys but every night I feel the same agony as if he died that same day. I have no one to go to here and I’m killing myself trying to stay happy, but I just feel dead inside. I really need some advice on how to come to term with what happened.
..I’m really sorry for the length, I tried shortening it but these details are all relevant..
