how do i change all of this without breaking up my family ?

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Hello my names reylene im 21 years old i have a three year old daughter and a aboyfriend/ babys father we have been together for 7 years on and off for the first four years and somewhat  stable for the last three years after the baby was  born .we always start fighting over the     things that we have done when we break     up and end up breaking up again for a      couple weeks but then we cant be apart     for long cause we are like obsessed with      each other and feel like we cant live      without each other i say obsessed cause     if u love someone u wouldnt be breaking     up like that or talking or seeing other     people when ever u were to brake up its     exhausting for me and it seems like were     never gonna be abel to forgive and forget     toward each other and im usually very    truthful about the things i do when we    arent together and it seems that i can    never get that in return theres two     particular things that just drive me up the    way the whole seven years thats we have     been for the most part together ive    always wanted to go out to six flags or    disneyland but forsure ive always asked    him if we can go to six flags and he    always claimed he hates rides and    doesnt want to go cause he doesnt like    that stuff and hes scared cause of a bad  experiance he had on a ride one time so  we have never gone well hes  was being  very mean to me for a good  couple  weeks telling me mean things  about  how he is gonna leave with our  friends if  i cant find a baby sitter and he  doesnt  care if i cry or get mad and by the  way i  live under his dads roof so he  always  tells me if i dont like it i can leave  and  stuff like that its very hurt full and  theres  just so much more annoying yea  not  that big of a deal but they still bother  me  as a person so i desided to leave  again  like always and i always want to go  out  when we can have our parents watch   the baby or etc and he never wants to   and when i left him for treating me badly   this past time he went out to ***** clubs   for the first time to bars he went to our  friends wedding without me and just  because i met them cause of him he  always tells me to stay away from them  cause there his friends and only mine  cause of him so he kinda tells me i better  not show up to there wedding and i  always dont want to conpletely loose him  which is sick i shouldnt have to live like  that but cant help how i feel so i didnt  show up and i was just sad hurt and  upset all night then he went to are friends  sons birthday  party and i asked him to  take our daughter and he was telling me he was drunk and couldnt watch her but once again told me that i better not show up there so i dont when im not with him i  get a burning in my chest when i think  about what hes doing cause i have read his  conversations on facebook three time when i hack into his profile i know its crazy but id rather be crazy then to never know what hes up to and i dont make a facebook cause he will flip out and like i said i always listen cause im scared to loose him anyways i read his messages with usually like  a10 to 15  girls he knows that i dont know and this has happend three times already in the past three yeats he has all these conversations with these girls and he talks to them so nice and cheesy cause of course hes trying to hangout with then and im not stupid hes trying to hangout to have sex with them im sure and every time ive gone threw the messages therss at least four five girls i do not like who actually dont like me either and he breaks my heart cause hes sweet talking them and makeing me look dumb cause they get to laugh in my face when i see them and its childish right for me to feel and think that but its has been driving me crazy inside and wont go away i just get so sad thinking about how nice he is to them and how he talks like a diffrent person and it makes me feel like i dont even know that person but i love him and he does live me i know he does when we are together i havr never caught him doing any of that to me and hs says i dont know what ur doing whe  ur not with me and i dont know if ur talking to guys buy why am i gonna just sit here and not do it if ur probably and also during the past break up i had stay over and it was looking as if i was coming home like usual and he wakes ul tells me hes gonna go apply for a job i find out a couple hour later hes on his way to six flags that felt worst then him cheating why is that?why did that hurt so bad i couldnt belive it ive ask him so many times to go and he didnt want to go and i find out by a friend he went with with our friends and he didnt bother to include me and then to top it of he was doing a good job acting like they were lying and was telling me he didnt go and he would repeat it and i would look in his eyes and they looked like he was telling the truth and i already went threw the hurt the day i heard so i was honeslty not gonna be upset i just wanted him to admit it and he was saying he swsars he didnt go he promised etc so i ended up beliving him  and my chest felt realieve and happy he didny go and a week or two later im  cleaning and  a paper fell out of his pants i opened it and it was a printed out ticket for six flags with his first and last name on it proof in my face he was lying the hurt was so bad i wish he would have slept with someone else or something why did i feel that way over this am i over reacting if i am im not trying to i cant help how i feel and after all the fun he was haveing and all the partys and talking to girls i dont like and some after  going to six flags after ive always wanted us to go he also ended up ripping my close like all of my cloths because i didnt want to come home and i didnt want to be with him i was too hurt and after seven years i think thats enough cause thats not half of the things hes done to me why does he talk to thos girls and asked them about there life and there jobs and stuff and then to top it off he can literally talk **** to one of them saying i juat talk to u cause i waned to hurt reylene and he will tell me he doesnt care about them the way he cares about me that he loves me that hes sorry and he will cry and then we go back to normal and were happy no fighting hes treating me good im treating him good our daughter by the way doesnt see or hear any of this so shes always happy but at the end of yhe day all these things run threw my head and i cant be fully happy but i love him i just cany be without him and he crys and says the same what should i do to get what hes done to me and how can he get lil things ive done to him out of our head how can we ever let go and stop dwelling on the past im just a messed and went on about so much at one time im sorry its just what came out of my feelings I’ve been keeping in :(

asked March 24, 2013

8 Answers

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I would love to talk to you more about this. If you make an account I can personal message with you.
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If you want change, you have to change. And sometimes you changing means removing people from your life. I know this guy has a huge footprint on your life and its hard to feel like you can go on without him, especially since you have a child together, but right now you're in a position where you need to realize that your happiness or lack thereof will reflect on your child and how they look at you. If your child sees the mess between you and the father, then that will affect how she views relationships growing up, and she can go through all the same issues you are going through right now. Surely you want your child to be better than you and not repeat your mistakes.If you want to move on with this guy, then you need to put your foot down. Let him know that you love him, but you love your daughter more, that you love yourself more, and if he can't work with you to have a more stable relationship, then you will do the hard, but necessary thing, and walk away from him. If he loves you more than he loves getting his way, he'll make the necessary changes to make things work.If its being alone you fear, don't. As much as we like to feel like there is only one for us, that's not the case. If one person can love you, many others will and can too. You just haven't noticed them yet because we typically focus in on one person we are sure loves us, and not realize someone who could love us better or more isn't far away.
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