How do I become okay with being single

1

One of the qualities people always choose to describe me is independent. After going through the usual talking to a boy only to get left alone without a goodbye or a better reason than they got bored with me, my friends say, “don’t worry you’ll find someone better” or “you’re an independent person you don’t need anyone” and I’m sick of it. I see all of these couples that have been together for a year or more and i start to wonder why can’t I have that. I don’t have low self esteem and I’m not depressed or anything but when I see all of these happy couples I think am I just not pretty enough for these boys. A couple weeks ago my class did a self esteem unit and as an activity we had these little buckets and everyone was supposed to go and put two notes into everyone’s bucket that had something nice written on it and when we opened all of our notes all of them said I was funny and nice only one or two said you’re pretty while all of the other girls in my class got at least half of them saying they were beautiful and things. Recently I was talking to this guy and it was going well then he stopped texting me and two days later asked another girl to prom. I’m just tired of being dumped before something can begin and being alone while everyone goes on cute dates and are happy with someone. One of my friends even tried to invite me on a double date with her, her boyfriend, her friend, and her friends boyfriend but when I asked her who I would go with she said and i quote,” don’t worry you can just take ashlie(my best friend)”. I am sick of being single but whenever i try to change it i get shut down so how do i become okay with being alone and not become bitter over the fact that i’m the only single one left in my social group

Category: asked November 16, 2014

4 Answers

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accepted
You can't force yourself to be okay with something. Those boys aren't worth your time. You'll meet the one you're meant to be with eventually. Sometimes it takes a while. Live life to the fullest. When I had my boyfriend I distanced myself from my friends because I thought he was more important. All I did was damaged friendships for a guy that eventually broke up with me. Plan nights with your friends and not their boyfriends. Find your hobbies. Bake cookies, draw, write stories, learn to play an instrument. While their out on dates you can learn new things and create something with your time. And every time a boy is a dick to you just think you're once heart ache closer to your true love.
2
Alright, a man's perspective here. I'm a single, having never gotten over a previous relationship. Same feeling, I see cute couples, I get a warm fuzzy feeling but also a load of jealousy. Tried to start new relationships, bit of flirting, bit of sex, nothing really chimes. Anyway, I've found that being active and not reminiscing so much or trying desperately to find a match does help a lot. I sing, I join friends on activities, I go out. It gives me confidence and security. I dislike being single as well but I seem to have less of an issue with it than a friend of mine who is currently in a state of frustration about it, isolating himself and trying to hunt after women which is bound to result in rejection (reason for his frustration I bet). I recommend focusing more on yourself as person, taking care of your life and not seeing yourself as incomplete without a man on your side. Oh and an unorthodox bit: Accept your ugliness. Everybody, even the prettiest people, can be unhappy with their own appearance. Putting focus on what you don't like doesn't help. I'm not beautiful at all but accepting that and laughing about it scores me a good bunch of flirts. Take shots and make first moves but don't expect and definitely learn to deal with rejection without losing optimism. Yeah, like that's easy. My advice sucks. :D It's all really random. For instance, some girls seem outright disgusted by me, others melt as soon as I talk to them. You can never tell. Just keep going and don't forget to live. --- Edit: I completely agree with Hopefullylesspretentious.
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Honestly, when you're desperate to have a relationship for the sake of having a relationship, people can sense that and will use it against you. Looking for that is the best way to get a dysfunctional relationship anyways. That's the reason so many people have shitty relationships; they want a relationship more than they want to be with that specific person. You'll see that most of your friends will break up with their boyfriends for that reason. They wanted a relationship with anyone, so they took one with a guy that didn't mesh with them at all. You need to know what you actually want in a man, and be relatively selective, and in order to do that you need to know yourself pretty well. Relationships are not the place for introspection unless you're unbelievably lucky and have a significant other that will help you do it. Being single is actually better in this case. It's not like you're going to find a relationship that's worthwhile in the long term while you're in high school anyways. Learn to find other sources of meaning. There's so much to life that people in relationships generally miss out on, never mind the casual sex. I've gained a huge amount from every few months I've been single. I'm at the point of rejecting relationships if they don't seem incredibly worthwhile. Go find yourself, go do some crazy things that you couldn't do because you have someone tying you down. All of my assorted exes got pissed off with me whenever I did anything life threatening, but those experiences are some of the best things I've ever done. When you're single, you get to focus on yourself more, and that's something you really don't get to do much out in the real world. Another point: A girl who's funny, and much more importantly confident, will often manage to get together with whatever guy she wants regardless of her looks. I've seen it happen many times. There's really nothing hold back if you desperately want a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend just for the sake of it is kind of worthless, though.
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I don't think any human being is okay with being alone. Anyone who says that either hasn't been hit by the fact or they are fooling themselves. Everyone wants to be loved and it isn't fair what you had to go through. You deserve so much better Shay. The only thing you can really do is to stop looking so hard at other people and focus on yourself. Not only do I and everyone else in the world know that you are beautiful, we can see it. Maybe you don't have the physical beauty that the girls in your class or at your school have but you have your own unique beauty that at least I know I see. Shay, I want you to know that what you're feeling isn't unheard-of. I feel like this every day and I know how hard it is. Just try to realize how beautiful you are, and to show people that unique beauty.