how come he won’t say I love you in a text?

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How come my boyfriend won’t say I love you, in a text message?

He was the first one to say it in our relationship, which makes me pretty excited. He is perfectly happy saying it on person, over Skype messenger, on Skype chat and on phone calls. But he will only say it in a text, if I haven’t said it first. If I say it first, in a text , he almost never says it back.

I know that it shouldn’t matter how he says it, but it still perplexes me. Why won’t he say it in a text?

Category: Tags: asked August 22, 2014

2 Answers

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Perhaps he thinks that he doesn't need to, that you already know how he feels. As a gender, many guy's aren't really big on expressing their feelings with words but rather actions.

But if it really bothers you this much, ask him about it. Sit him down and have a little heart to heart. Perhaps writing things down will help you stay on track. Communication is the most important part to maintain any relationship.

Don't worry too much about it.
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I've told this story before but it is very fitting here so I'll post again:

So now for a story that taught me a powerful lesson in the perception of love. When I was younger I dated a very pretty girl. This girl spent quite a bit of time dolling herself up. She spent quite a bit of time with her hair and makeup... picking out just the right clothes. It was common occurrence on dates for us to fight over petty things. I am a pretty intellectual guy so I would spend time afterwards trying to figure out why we argued over such little things. I couldn't figure it out and erroneously chalked it up to "men don't understand women." One particular date we got into an argument and I was finally able to drag out of her why she was really upset. She spent all that time and energy on her self image and I was failing to pay her the compliments she felt she deserved. Well as it turns out at that point in my life I wasn't very good at noticing when she changed her hair or her new earrings. So this relationship failed.

I had another girlfriend that was a very affectionate girl. If we could be touching we had to be touching. Not just in a sexual way... I mean arm around her... holding hands whatever. If I was in her presence but wasn't caressing her hand or playing with her hair she felt as though something was wrong. I am not a very affectionate person... So it was difficult for me to remember to always be touching her... this relationship failed

Another girlfriend I had required constant verbal declaration of love. She couldn't hear the words "I Love You" too much. She needed to hear it every day.. the more the merrier. To me though the more you say it the more it losses meaning... almost as if after a while you are saying it to be convincing rather than declaring it. This relationship didn't last.

The last girlfriend I'll talk about had a love for the material world. Girls like this are normally called gold diggers but she wasn't that bad. I didn't have to spend a lot of money to make her happy... $10 would do it. But again money runs out and you can only buy someone flowers so much before the thrill wears off so this relationship didn't work out.

Now I don't just tell this story so you can learn that I've had a lot of failed relationships... there is a hidden important lesson here. Everyone views love in their own way. When I was young my mother was very abusive... so much so that I had to leave home when I was 16. I thought I would never speak to my mother again until she was dying or dead. Later the family learned she was schizophrenic and that is why she was the way she was. Coupled with her alcoholism she was a very violent person. It took me a while to realize it but although we grew up poor (my mother couldn't work) I had a lot of nice things. My mother loved me by trying to provide for me everything she thought I wanted. I later started to think about the way that I love others... I realized that I put a lot of thought into and do nice things for people... try to make them feel loved and special.

So the lesson here is "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want... doesn't mean they aren't loving you with all they've got... the only way they know how." The redemptive fact here is that you can learn to perceive love in all the ways that people give it. Once you are able to see how each and every person that is close to you naturally declares their love... you'll never not feel loved again!