How can someone who doesn’t believe she deserves happiness, increase her self esteem?
My psychologist, nurse, doctors all tell me to be less hard on myself but I am having huge problems with this. I don’t feel like I am “good” at anything, I don’t find in anything (bar eating!!), I have no social life and can’t do the few things I might like (such as going to concerts) because my current medication prevents it and I have no one to go with. I like being alone, there are just some social occasions that are easier when you’re not solo.
I feel like I need to earn my right to happiness because of the destruction I have caused. People become too attached to me and I take more than I give.
I don’t want to be the sad sack I’ve been over the last seven years. Struggling to get out of bed or partying hard and schmoozing everyone.
I keep being told I need to change, but I have no idea how!
You could try setting goals and taking baby steps in making the changes you want to see in yourself. I too also believe happiness is earned, but not in the same ways you are thinking. The important thing you need to realize is why you want to do these things. Changing the way you act will not happen before changing the way you think. Try defining what is happiness for you. Define what is considered to be "good". As far as making friends ... do you attend school or have a job? That should open the door for making a few friends. Also keep in mind that it took you years to develop the mentality and habits you have now which is causing distress and it will take a good amount of time to change that. Feel free to PM with any questions, comments, or concerns or if you feel like making a new friend on here.
I see what you are saying and understand entirely, but young lady, the cure for guilt for taking advantage of people is not ostracizing yourself, it is doing service for either the people you harmed, or anyone in need. Make yourself useful to someone and you can start forgiving yourself for having taken advantage of people.
You really have to tell yourself that you are the shit every single day. You have to be really bougie and stuck up even if you aren't. You have to be high maintenanace and keep wet wipes in your purse.This tells your brain you care about yourself and your body. You will start loving yourself unconditionally. You will not let anyone disrespect you or treat you like shit. Its works.I swear since i started doing this in 2013, i've lost 30lbs. I learned how to dress because i started being picky. I don't settle for any man and i havent gotten my heart broken since. My skin is tough as hell. Words bounce off of it. No one disrespects me because they know i'll handle them. Being single is annoying, but i'm not falling over a cliff complaining how i'm unloved...because i love myself.