This is the first time I’ve ever tried anything like this, so bear with me.
I’ve always had issues with confidence and self-worth, but lately it seems to be spiraling out of control. I can’t seem to find -anything- that keeps my spirits up for more than a day at a time. I’m not hideous, or overweight, but i don’t remember the last time i looked at myself in the mirror and thought “Hey, i look good today!”. I recently started dieting and exercising as an attempt to boost my confidence, but it only made me feel good for a short while. This has started effecting my relationship also, and while i know its my fault i just can’t seem to change my mind set. Even looking at a beautiful woman upsets me, because i know i -cannot look just like them-. I get self conscious and feel very small next to all of the beautiful talented people in the world, that i feel like i have no place in my significant other’s life. I keep quiet about my feelings as I’ve always found it hard to open up, which leads to arguments that seemingly come out of nowhere to my boyfriend. I constantly wonder how someone could even tolerate me, so in turn i push them away. Even with knowing how crazy i sound, i can’t change. I feel like i’m slowly ruining my own life, and if i cant get my insecurities under control then i know i will lose everything i hold dear.
I know it's hard to remember this in a world obsessed with being "beautiful" (whatever that is), but your worth and your value as a person is completely independent of what you look like. Next time you look in the mirror, I want you to look past your external self and remember who you are inside, because that is infinitely more important than the vessel you use to carry your soul through this world. When it comes to your body, the only thing you should care about is maintaining it (like a car). Stay healthy so you can continue to thrive on Earth, not so you can be molded to other people's beauty standards. You can create your own beauty standard. Just look at yourself. You're gorgeous!
Your significant other wouldn't be your significant other unless he liked you for who you are. I too feel very small in this world, and I've been lucky enough to experience things many people don't get to. I've known a few professional models and they all feel the same way... totally insecure. You can either live your life according to an alarmingly false standard perpetuated by an industry supported by billions of marketing dollars, actors with personal trainers and makeup artists, and Photoshop experts, or remove yourself from the rat-race and just be the best version of you. Let your guard down, take chances, share your feelings with those you trust (or strangers on the internet if it helps) and take care of yourself.
It doesn't matter what colour your skin is, what shape you are, what size you are. It doesn't matter what length your hair is, it doesn't matter what shade of colour your eyes are. Your are beautiful. Those girls who you are calling beautiful and talented will be looking at you and thinking the same thing. You are beautiful in the skin you are in. I know its really hard to think that, but honestly no body in this world is ugly. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. And you, you are gorgeous, just be you and everyone will see how amazing and beautiful you are.I don't know how many times I said beautiful within this, but just to add emphasis on it EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL! INCLUDING YOU!
Try and identify what it is you want out of life. Even if you do at at first as a joke. If you could have anything in this world, what would it be? Try and compile a list and then refine it and refine it. Slowly you will find a purpose and motivation.Exercise and eating properly is important to keeping you in the right frame of mind. Also be sure to get sufficient sleep.
The definition of beautiful does not only relate to appearance; it also relate to anything else about that person. In the real world, there are people out there who judge by who you are, not what you look like. Remember that everyone in the whole world has a place, and anything they do is one step closer to improving mankind. Everyone has a value.