How can I learn to balance the amount of trust I do or do not place with others in relationships?


I just feel….so overwhelmed..and confused. All of the relationships that I’ve been in so far(I’m 18 btw) have never lasted more than 6 months…and most of them weren’t exactly healthy for me…two of them were clinical psychopaths and suicidal as well…and I’ve made some poor choices in those two relationships due to what I thought was love…but I suspect that in both cases they were using me…neither of them tried to hurt me and they both claimed that they respected me(and who knows, maybe they did)…but they were both violent to other people…and I made myself indifferent so that it wouldn’t hurt as much(mentally)…and thankfully once I got out of denial enough to realize that I needed to get the heck out of there in the first situation, she was starting to loose interest and we went our separate ways…but with the second one, I’m afraid to cut off from him completely since unlike the first one, he is still suicidal…and he was my friend before we got intimate…though we actually live far away from each other so it was never physical…and he doesn’t know my address…he knows my full name and phone number though(we’ve known each other since elementary school and used to be neighbors before I moved)…but the main issue is that I’m afraid that if I stop being as intimate that he’ll kill himself…and there’s an obvious issue with how I deal with relationships since I seem to for some reason open up to and trust people that want to harm both themselves and others(though I admit that I didn’t know these parts of them until far into the relationship…so it wasn’t that part that I was attracted to)…and it worries me…when I was in other relationships that were healthy I would always be afraid that I was being to forward or that I would scare them away or would be bothering them if I opened up to them…but since I didn’t open up to them…they felt like I wasn’t emotionally invested enough…and I didn’t feel confident enough in myself to correct them and tell them how I really felt…and I just feel like I have some pretty bad luck with relationships…and I want to be in a healthy one…and I’m hoping that college will maybe open up opportunities for some…but at the same time I feel terrified of the prospect of trusting another human being again…because it seems like every time that I do…I get emotionally stabbed…but if I don’t trust them…then I get abandoned…and….I…just feel so lonely…and overwhelmed…and tired…and I know I want to be loved…but I’m just not sure if it’s possible…and I…I’m just…feeling really down because of it…and it’s not that I feel suicidal or anything…I’ve never seen that as something appealing or an option…it’s just that I feel like I’m being ripped apart from the inside out emotionally…and…it’s terrible…and I feel like the mistakes I made in the two relationships I mentioned make me not human…and that if I ever revealed those things to anyone else that I would be abandoned on the spot…and there are some other things regarding my sexuality that I’m afraid that they’ll reject me for as well…..and I just don’t know who I’m supposed to trust anymore…and I just feel so goddamn lonely…and useless…and tainted…and sick…and unworthy…and…I just want some advice(please)…….

Category: Tags: asked August 24, 2014

1 Answer

I'm going to tell you something that my dad told me and that has stayed with me forever every time things go wrong: "Don't let the past hurt you". It's a stronger version of "learn from your mistakes" mixed with carry on with life no matter what. Why am I telling you this? Because now you know those type of partners exist and you know that they are unhealthy to you, now you can stay away from similar people to them. Also it's ok to have short relationships because of them going wrong, it's even worse to be years in that situation. Mistake makes us stronger, wiser and more experienced so there isn't anything bad about it, it's something that all of us go through in a way or another; you did have bad luck, but I'm certain that it's not your fault as you didn't ask for for example a psychopath, no one can know that at first sight. Better to keep unhealthy people away from you, you don't own them anything, even if they are suicidal, you also have the right to live like you want to and with who you want to. About trusting people, people usually really do appreciate being trusted so don't worry and my advice is to always start small to show you want to open up and then see how it works out, then step by step build up your trust. Good luck in college finding someone healthy, I'm sure you will :)