How can I get my ex to be more open minded?


My boyfriend and I broke up after dating for about 6-7 months, because he got his perfect job offer right out of college in another state. This was about a year and a half ago. While we’ve stayed in touch a fair amount, I went to visit him for the first time this weekend.

I’ve dated other people since we broke up over the past year or so and I didn’t expect this weekend to be any more than catching up and spending time with a friend I care about. Quickly though, I was amazed at how he slipped back into our old routines. It turned into an absolutely amazing, romantic, fun weekend. Everything just felt so perfect and easy, and we both recognized how great we are together.

Important to know….I’m nearing the end of a PhD program, and I spend a good amount of time overseas. This was a big piece of why we decided not to stay together originally. I will be spending about 6 months in Ethiopia again next year, but then will be done in August and completely open to new jobs, opportunities, etc.

So when I was leaving and asked about his thoughts (eg. should we think about getting back together? or think about re-considering it when i’m done in august?) I was shocked that he had no interest. His responses were still very practical…I’m going away so it’s not a good time to get back together, it was a great weekend and passed feelings came up but we’re still over, our lives are going in different directions, etc. He thinks this weekend was a mistake and just got out of control…even though he said it was great. I am so happy when I’m with him, and I know he is too, so I just don’t understand how he can flip his emotions on and off like he does and not even want to discuss the possibility of making this work in the future.

Another piece of this is our age difference, I’m about 5 years older than him (he’s 24, I’m 29) which surprisingly has never been an issue in our relationship – he’s very mature – but I do suspect it’s relevant here.

I really don’t want to just let this go…but at the same time I don’t want to pressure him and push him away. I’m really just at a loss for what to do.

Category: Tags: asked October 27, 2014

2 Answers

I think you kind of have to as hard as it may be to do. If you do not think you can maybe let the friendship die too. Sorry this is so negative but its just what I think would be best for you
Hi there. Congratulations on getting so far in your schooling! This is definitely a tricky situation. So, it seems that you aren't as over him as you thought you were. The short answer is to leave him be. It has been a year since you broke up and in that year, neither one of you have done anything to get back together. To me, this is a case of physical chemistry rather than emotional support. If you had a chance to get back together, your schooling should never have been an issue to start with and neither should his career have been a deterrent. Don't leave yourself limited to one guy. Age at that point isn't such a huge issue, but don't close yourself off. Focus on your PhD for now, and when you're finished and get back you will have more time to focus on relationships. Like I said, I think this guy isn't the one, and you should respect his decision too, but if you feel he might be, again, worry about it when you get back. Good luck in Ethiopia, all the best etc.