How can I get her heart?

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Hello all,

I have posted her before, and because of the great responses, I have come back for more help. Me and this girl who live a couple states away have known each other for over 3 years. We’ve been great friends for a long time. I fell in love with her last year but then she decided to date someone in another country who’s an asshole. That broke my heart and we stopped talking between November and January because her boyfriend made her not talk to me. She finally messages me in February begging me to talk to her, crying, and all. She gets these panic attacks everyday and I’ve always been there for her for them, no matter how late at night it was. Her boyfriend or parents don’t know about them. But on to the point. So we’ve been talking for just over a week I would say. We’ve skyped each other a couple times for the first time in months, I was so happy to hear her beautiful voice again! We would only talk through Skype and snapchat, but mostly Skype. We would try to call everyday if she could. (And she and her boyfriend don’t call at all anymore because her boyfriend doesn’t offer to call her, and she yelled at him for that because they never would call often). She would only talk to me around 10 pm, which is after her boyfriend goes to sleep, and through my friend, I found out it was because she feels guilty about talking to me and her boyfriend not knowing she is(she told me she had to break her promise three times now because she wanted to talk to me). I care about her more than anything. I’m always there for her for her panic attacks, and I also love her. But I just feel like a side guy to her because she would only talk to me after he goes to bed and the past couple days she only said like 5 things everyday because she would end up falling asleep. It’s been hurting me, so yesterday I ignored her, I didn’t talk to her, when she said “I fell asleep, and I’m so sorry” after I told her that I was to depressed to wait for her to reply (she usually can take long to reply, and I hate it because I only get a couple hours with her everynight before she has to go to bed, and I want to cherish that time!) I mean, I’m glad she’s talking to me, that she’s breaking her promise for the third time, but you know, it hurts me because I kinda feel like a side guy to her. Am I doing something wrong? Should I not be feeling like that? Any help? I want her to talk to me more often, and I’ve heard that ignoring does the trick. But I love her, and I want her, and when she told me “I don’t think I will ever be truly happy” and “me and him can’t even hug”, I would tell her how I’m so much closer and can actually come visit her whenever(they never met). I love her to death. I made my choice in life, and she’s the one I want. Any help?

Category: asked February 9, 2015

6 Answers

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Wow it's great that you're there for her through thick and thin! You should be proud of that. That guy definitely sounds like he doesn't deserve her. Looking at it from her point of view I can understand that she wants to keep him happy because she is in a relationship. She does have a promise to keep. But you're clearly there for her and help her way more than he does. Just be honest with her and talk to her because that's all you can do. Keep doing what you're doing because she needs you. Ignoring someone doesn't do the trick it usually just hurts them. She clearly looks forward to talking to you because she shares so much with you. He can't just tell her not to talk to you especially since she needs you. It shows that there is little trust in that relationship and it won't work out. She has to figure it out for herself. Just don't ignore her she needs you more than anything right now. You two seem really close so just tell her that she makes you feel that way. Like I said be honest.
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Help her make up her mind and decide. I think you've already won her heart, but this indecissive girl needs to choose which side she should be. If she's willing to give up that guy and chose you, well you have her heart indeed. But if she's not, i think you need to give up on this pointless endeavor and save your own heart for your sake.
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Thanks Silent Radiance! I think your reply is more helpful. At the end of your post, you mentioned "so just tell her that she makes you feel that way". What feeling were you referring to? The feeling of being side guy?Thanks
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Anytime ^_^. And yes I'm referring to your feeling of being the side guy. She's your close friend so she should definitely understand.
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you are right,ignorance is the key to make someone realize your worth.but you know if you are the only one she relies on during her panic attacks then maybe the time when you ignored her could be the time when she needed you the most.i think whenever you talk to her and the conversation gets little sentimental you put your feelings bare in front of her,please don't do ithat more often because once or twice it feels good but sometimes the other person may actually start taking you for granted.if you love her truly and you've made your resolve that she's the only one then all you can do is wait for her.just be true to who you are and sometimes when you actually feel like being a side guy and her second priority then you need to let her know that you are feeling like this.you need to clear it out with her that what does she actually feels about you? if she gave you something like a label"more than friends but less than lovers" then you should ask her to sort out her feelings and give you a definite answer.
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Thanks everyone again! Well last night I told her how I felt like a side guy and how I felt being used, and she replied with " I fall asleep a lot