How can I be better received?

I’ve been beginning to feel a little uncomfortable listening recently as I don’t seem to be received well because of the way I talk and come across. I sometimes have trouble acting as a venter as well, but I have had some people who have been understanding. It frustrates me though that I have to say I’m a little OC when it comes to language for people to accept me. I don’t have a disorder, I just find it difficult to talk and deal with someone who is lazy with their writing – some people reading this might have spoken to me. I like it when people construct a sentence with a capital letter to begin with, and when they use punctuation. I find some people ask questions as though it’s a statement. I don’t know why it bothers me but it does.

I feel a little judged though. I am not judging people. I don’t mind misspellings, because I understand that English isn’t the first language of people but when I can see they are able to speak perfectly well but fall on basic grammar it disappoints me. I just feel like they do it to fit in with everyone else, or they really are just lazy. I don’t tend to listen much anymore because often people do this and I am not one for making their issue worse by bringing it up.

The thing is though, listeners have told me I come across quite cold. Some have said passive-aggressive. I’m okay with this, I have heard that phrase many times and I know what it means. I have been trying to be less so but it’s also just part of my personality. I don’t always mean to be passive, often I just think it’s humorous. I know this is wrong, and I find it frustrating that this can’t be understood unless I say I have some sort of personality/cognitive disorder that keeps me from being able to empathise with people.

I want to be able to help people here, I really do. I just don’t know how I can be received better. I’m not really a sociable person, never really have been, but I have a heart just like any other and I care about people a great deal. I just lack tact sometimes and I don’t mean any harm in it – but how do I reign it in?

Any suggestions would be grateful. I ask here because I am a member but I don’t want people to think less of me for this.

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Anonymous

1,181

4 Answers

You really need to start beginning to understand that there are some people who are just bad at grammar and spelling. You don't know if people are 'just lazy' or are just choosing not to speak/type properly; yes, sometimes you can tell, but not always. It makes you seem quite rude, and in a way discriminating against those who don't type/speak properly. You're sending off this message that those who don't type properly aren't worthy of having their problems listened to or they're less important because of how they type.
There's a difference between literally not being able to understand the message someone is trying to say because they don't know how to speak/type the language and just being picky about proper grammar.
You may not be able to control that it bothers you, but you can control if you talk to the person in spite of their improper grammar. Start trying to talk to people anyway, even if their typing bothers you. They're willing to vent to you, and it's often not very easy for some people to do that. You need to look past how they type. Some of the questions put on here have downright awful grammar, but I still answer them because they deserve one.

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Lauren

931

First you need to be ready to be a listener before you choose to become one. Being a listener is a big responsibility. First, you need to extract yourself from yourself and become someone with no problems or feelings except those that can be helpful to the venter. If you get into helping someone with all your problems and feelings then it'd be very hard to concentrate and help them with a logical, constructive way.
Second, you need to be non judgmental, empty of any bias thoughts and views, non critical and very, very positive so you can take what they tell you and not break down. You also need to be patient, more talkative then them because sometimes people find it hard to talk about their problems so you have to know how to get them to talk.
Third, you need to lead them slowly to find the root of the problem, it takes few or many questions depending on the problem. When you find the root, you find the solution. You need to be encouraging, positive, giving and selfless.
It is a hard job but its rewarding. Try to skip on people's grammar or spelling mistakes, sometimes they are so stressed they can't care less about such trivial things. Believe me, be more compassionate if you want to help others.

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Dusted wings

184

My sister was a super sarcastic voice in my family. It's not something anyone can change; it's a decision YOU need to make. And even when you make that decision, you have to remember that things will change. Much like a sport or an instrument, it needs to be practiced. If you want to be better received, be a sponge and absorb everything before you make a comment. Ask questions. Repeat exactly what it is that you understand and remember that you are never going to be at the top or the bottom of the chain; there will always be someone you can learn from as well as people you can teach. This is called humbling yourself. Don't judge, don't ridicule, don't demand. Take in everything and NEVER assume something you aren't sure about. Ask. The more you begin to understand this, the better you wil be received. :)

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DreamCity

146

I'm a bad type myself, but English isn't my native language, and i have a disorder that's name escapes me, but i have problems writing. reading is fine but writing is hard. I have this problem with every languages i know, and the only thing that can help is well..browser auto correction. That's the only thing i have to notice my bad spelling, but grammar is a different business all together. That i usually not notice.even thought people generally understand me, and i can understand them as well, so the re isn't a any barrier for communication.And even thought there are people like me, and people who are just lazy, they are people as well who seek help. You need to see the people behind the text, not the text. Try to image that those people are talking to you face to face they just fave lisp. Could you consider to not help them because they speech is bit bad? if you cant try that, t might help.

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Luxurious Beast