As somebody who has been in your shoes and has recently attempted suicide and actually almost died, I would say that these thoughts are not healthy. It's actually sort of odd how suicide and self-harm can become almost like an addiction. To this day, I am fairly certain that I'd prefer to commit suicide in old age once I start getting sick or unable to do things for myself, but that's a ways from now and I think would be much less sad than a younger person committing suicide.
As my grandfather put it, actually, it's that when an old person dies, you can see all of the things they've achieved, left behind, and so on, but when a young person dies, you only see the potential and are forced to wonder what we all missed out on because that person is no longer living.
So, the way you describe it, I wouldn't call you "crazy" or anything like that, but it does kind of sound like an addiction for you. I would actually recommend a therapist who deals with addictions because they specialize in that sort of obsessive thinking and also depression. Usually, people develop addictions as a result of depression or develop depression after developing an addiction.
If you reach the point where you actually believe that you might do harm to yourself, look up some hospitals in the area, find the one with the best things said about their psyc ward and admit yourself. I know some hospitals are crappy, but my experiences weren't actually all that bad (and the food was pretty good too). Most of what they do in a hospital is short term sort of treatment. Basically, do you need to be on medication; if you are on medication, does it need to be adjusted; what EXACTLY do you need in an outpatient setting? You can describe your feelings to one of the psychiatrists or social workers and they usually work on getting you set up with a therapist that meshes with you and your specific mental health needs.
Much luck to you! I hope you can get things sorted out because all of that passion would be great if applied elsewhere!